So, we made the journey from Germany to France on June 13, 2009. It was a long, long, long drive. We left in the evening and stopped someplace in France just beyond Switzerland at around 1:30 AM. We were bone tired and all the hotels made us take 2 rooms because we have 3 kids. Next time I will lie about the number of children I have. It is ridiculous. So when we got to the rooms Xavier and I had an argument as to where the kids would sleep. He won and Anais and Austin slept alone in a room, while XAvier, Nicolas and I slept in our room. So I heard lots of mischief and had to be cop for awhile. Finally, I thought they were asleep around 3 AM and went to sleep myself.
It's a good thing I can smell smoke in my sleep....
When I awoke to smoke fumes and I heard Anais and Austin giggling in the next room. I flew out of bed as pictures of the hotel burning down flashed across my mind, I wondered why aren't the smoke alarms going off? When I got to their bedroom, they had shut the adjoining door and also shut the door to their bed. When I got inside, smoke was pouring out of the lit table lamp next to Austin and he was standing there stark naked laughing. I asked " What is going on in here?" as I ran to the lamp to stop the fire. He answered, "We're baking a cake." : )
I turned off the lamp and pulled the smoldering clothes out of it that were wedged inside the lamp shade. I found Austin's PJ's closest to the light bulb. There were holes and it was covered in embers. I attempted to blow the embers out, but they merely flew off his jammies and landed on the bed. Naturally, starting a fire on the bed is a really bad idea, so I put his PJ's, smoldering embers and all in the sink. Needless to say, his pyjammas are ruined, so he was forced to sleep naked for the rest of the night. I put him in the cot next to Xavier and I went to sleep with Anais in her bed. All was well for the rest of the night.
The next day, we drove another 7 hrs to get to the gite since we didn't have keys to get into the house. The weather was already better in France, the vegetation had changed and it was a lot warmer and SUNNIER!!!!
Oh the sunshine, dry air and the smell of lavender. Oh happiness, oh joy. My nose was in shock. I've had a sinus infection since the year 2004. My nose tried very hard to get a sinus infection. I kept sneezing and sneezing and waiting for it to come, but it never happened. I just sneezed and was well again. How crazy.
KIDS:
Anais spoke French right away and understood that here she doesn't speak German or English. I have to say, I was pretty impressed with her attitude. Sometimes she would cry and say she missed her friends and Martina, her teacher. She also missed Lukas and Eva our neighbors. I felt terrible for her and wanted to get her to make friends as soon as possible. I put the kids in summer camp locally for July and August and started Nicolas in daycare as well. Anais made a few friends in camp and was ok happy. We met the only other American in Greoux, she is from the East coast and is a writer. I thought I was going to faint from joy. I always wanted to meet writers, but I never know any. They always seem so mysterious. Our kids made friends with their kids, so the summer went by without too many hitches.
Austin hated camp and hated France. He wanted to go back to his friends in Germany and asked a lot after his best friends. I explained he won't be able to go to their house because Steingau is too far away now but he'll make other friends here. He didn't much care for that answer. The camp counselors had a lot of grief with Austin because he made no pretense about hating camp. He couldn't understand and would refuse to join the group. He told me no one likes him and he tried to speak to the other kids in German at first, then English. Some of the camp counselors could speak English and tried with him, but he was also unresponsive.
Nicolas reacted ok to daycare. It took the entire summer to slowly get him acclimated to going to daycare, starting at 15 min and finally getting up to 3 hrs. That was a little frustrating. The daycare ladies had an issue because Nicolas doesn't speak French. Mind you, Nikki was barely a year old. They wanted me to speak French to him at home. It was bad memories of Kinderpark with Angelica all over again. I told them I will not speak French to my son, but will do baby sign if they like. Having already taken a course, we quickly ran through the different signs. Well, guess what? German baby sign is totally different from French baby sign, so I had to learn their sign language and practice it with Nicolas. I told them to keep speaking french and using the sign together so he will learn quickly. He's a clever little chap afterall. He can't speak much but can say "It's what?" and "What's that?" That took me a long time to understand. He would point to things and ask what they are. So, when I finally got it, I would tell him the words and repeat them and he would laugh and laugh.
The house is ok. We live in a village of old people. The old and ailing come here to Les Thermes. It is an old Roman Bath House filled with doctors curing every need. So, in the summer Greoux is flooded with silver haired people. I heard the numbers are this: Greoux has 2,500 permanent residents and in the summer we have 40,000 residents, all of whom are retired and ailing. At least it's not Lourdes. Lourdes, France is an interesting place to visit at least once in your lifetime. If you can stomache thousands of people working for the Red Cross, monks, and thousands upon thousands of nuns and little dime store shops of the virgin Mary paraphanilia, and of course the worst form of the sick and ailing, all of whom are very close to death. It is a famous and sacred place where some random farm girl claimed to see the virgin mary appear like 20 times. There is a natural spring that has become holy, so the sick and ailing cue up to be dipped into the holy water to be cured of their ailments.
I just received my carte de sejour so I am legally able to work in France now. My sisters came to visit for about 1 month total. Rhonda kept me very busy as we discovered the area. My favorite is still canoeing in the Gorges du Verdon. Sharone and I went hiking in the Calanques near Marseilles. that was really fun. Oddly, I had never visited the Calanques before. So, I think we had a good time. Life felt very calm after they left.
I haven't experienced much culture shock, just with everyone smacking their kids around. That was a little shocking. No such thing as time outs in France, just smack, smack, smack. Walking across the street, bam. Walking through the grocery store, a little yelling, then smack. Out on the play ground, the kid doesn't come over fast enough or share his toys, smack. The amount of light and semi-frivilous smacking was a little shocking. Beyond that, people were so nice to me. They always talk. There is a lot of banter. I think banter is important with people in the south. It is important to chit chat, who'd a thunk it?
That is all the news there is here. Oh yes the kids got into the international school in Manosque. They are in the English-French section. So they have English 2 days a week and French 2 days a week. They are also in FLE which is French for foreigners to get their French up to speed with the other kids. Hopefully the next news I will give you, I will have a job.
Talk to you again soon. I do think about all of you often. Take care everyone!
Love,
Jennel
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
It is moving time again
Forwarded address:
we have no house number yet, the house is brand new.
Chemin du hameau du Plan
04800 Gréoux-les-Bains
France
don't have a phone number yet. movers come this friday and we will be on the road by saturday. we should arrive in Greoux sometime btw sunday and monday depending on whether or not we stop over at Coralie's house. the neighbors are giving us a good-bye party with the neighborhood on friday at 4 PM. not sure what to expect. Anais and austin will have a good-bye party on wednesday at kindergarten. as usual i have too much to do before friday. xavier flies in thursday night on his birthday. i have to do some presorting now and have accomplished most of what i need to do so it is ok. the kids have off on thursday so not sure what we'll do. i still have to call friends here and say good-bye. not everyone knows we're leaving. some people are sad, some probably not.
i'm not sure how i feel. i don't really feel anything to be honest. i have some friends here and i will miss them but that is about it. i think i will miss some things about germany and about bavaria. bavaria is really beautiful with the rolling meadows, green pine forests and mountains. when it is sunny, it is heaven. it's just sunny maybe 1 out of 3-4 days. i won't miss the rain. what can i say, there is a reason why it is so green. it is cold when it rains even in the summer, so a summer day can be quite extreme in temperature based on how much sun there is. i will miss the recycling attitude, germany is very pro-environment. i might even miss its directness. i had a hard time with people telling me what to do. i was always extremely affronted, but after 5 yrs, i'm used to it and find myself adapting to it. people are just trying to be helpful when they give you advice off the street, they don't mean anything bad by it. i'm not offended anymore. i found that my biggest problem was MY intolerance. i was the one who would not tolerate german culture and i had to adapt. it took a good 3 yrs to understand the culture and be able to adapt to it. it also helps when you make a lot of progress in the language then you can actually communicate and there is less room open for misunderstandings, which happens all the time at the beginning.
everyone thinks we'll be happier in france. xavier seems happier despite being away from the kids. he has been gone now for 1 month and i think for him being away is very tough. for me it has been interesting. i miss xavier and his companionship but i have been quite busy and socialable so it hasn't been that hard to be honest. i was sad during the time before he left but accepted it to be as it is and it was ok. i'm happy and looking forward to seeing him again soon. the kids really miss their papa. i feel a little odd not being too sad. it's kind of strange. i was very very sad when i left texas, but that was also my friends, my surrogate family in austin, and my family and culture knowing i was going to be cut off for a long time. yes, i was very very sad to leave the US and i did start to cry in Jill's car when she dropped me off at the airport. it was hard.
moving to france will be considerably less difficult. my main worries are not knowing where i am or where to shop for groceries, cat litter, things like that. we'll have lots of things to change over like car registration, insurances, kids schools, etc. it's not the end of the world, it's just a lot of work. xavier has already been working diligently on the papers and school registrations on his side. we are trying to get anais into the int'l school in manosque. we'll see if we can pull it off or not. i hope it's free but we don't even know if there is a price.
beyond that everything is more or less normal here. i'm getting anxious to get out of here, kind of antsy you know? i just want to get it over with. it is still really odd not to feel sadness. i don't know what's wrong? i don't feel joy either, just mostly little stresses and worries. i'm worried for anais more than anything else. she will feel the move the most and i don't like taking her away from her friends. even if we stayed here, she would have to go to a different school than her friends anyway because we live out of district and i couldn't get her into holzkirchen where she is going to kindergarten. i find the people feeding into the local school a little dorfisch (too small town) i feel much better with the holzkircheners. my friends are either ausländers (foreigners) or people who have lived abroad. i'm sure it will be the same in france. xavier already has more friends in france in less than 1 month than he has had here in germany in 5 yrs.
germans are very reserved. socially it's like doing a waltz, you don't really touch anyone and you keep dancing around in circles but never get really close. americans don't dance around in circles. there is no formality to making friends. we don't have walls that you need to climb over. we either like each other or we don't. not sure how it is in france. i think it is inbtw US and Germany socially. my language inability was my largest single barrier to creating friendships and relationships. it was very difficult more than anything else. the one thing i have truly learned in germany is isolation. my 9 months in dresden were probably some of the worst if not THE worst 9 months of my life. a woman with no ability to socialize in any remedial way with ANYONE, day in and day out, not able to speak to anyone or have any friends is like taking a flower and depriving her of water and sun. I don't EVER want to experience that again. it is isolation to the fullest and it is hard. you don'T make an effort getting into any social organization if even one exists in dresden because you know you are leaving soon, you just don't have the exact date. the stress i have now is peanuts compared to what i experienced in dresden. xavier and i were like puppets on a string being pulled in every direction and not knowing when the strings will be pulled by his boss and by the restructureing of his company.
moving employees around happens a lot in germany. if you want to get ahead then you have to move the minute they decide they want to put you in Dortmund, Dresden, Frankfurt, you name it. many families end up split. the wife and children remain in one place while the husband moves to another city for a yr or 2 while he works for the same exact company, just because some boss in his company decides it. he has to be a good soldier or his career will suffer. woman only follow for a time until they stop and plant themselves and their family because it's not fair to the children. everyone agrees this company culture is stupid and accomplishes nothing, but that is the way it is, so people have to just accept it. it is very specific to german culture, not sure why.
the good thing about germans is their impeccable tidiness. you can literally eat off their floor. you can eat off any part of a german's house, it is so impeccably clean. germans are clean, organized, perfectionists. the gardens and lawns are tended to with perfection and love and care. wood logs are stacked evenly and covered appropriately so as to not get wet when it rains. clothes are mended and ironed. homes are cleaned at least 1X a week and floors are swept at least every day. toys are organized into their appropriate boxes as well as papers and mail. i have never seen a country so organized in my life. people take great pride in their homes and in their work. a housewife is a job and is upheld to perfection. cakes are all homemade. homework is overseen by mom. kids are taken to sports adn music lessons by mom. acutally men go to work and women do everything else. i say men work but women make the world go 'round. i'm very impressed by german women. they do so much, most of which is never paid. they don't complain or anything, it's just normal. i have the impression though that they believe their work to be inferior to that of a man's. i alone seem to hold the opposite view. in america we would call them supermoms. the minimum bar is just held so high as a mother it's kind of impressive. a lot of mom's still work part time. i think most feel it too much of a strain to work full time, which i understand. imagine an entire country of perfection. men go to work without question and do whatever their companies ask of them, sacrifice everything for their work without question or standing up to authority, good soldiers. women taking care of the welfare of the family, children, home, education, and some work on top of that. it is a very efficient country filled with pride in every identity. everyone takes their work very seriously no matter how menial a job, no matter how little education one has, all work is done with pride and accomplished to perfection. i think i will miss this the most. the pride, the perfection, the cleanliness, the reliability of germans. when a german says something, they mean it. if a german says they are going to do something, or invite you to their home, they mean it. they are wonderfully reliable. i hope it is the one thing i have learned from them becuase i always felt myself to be flaky and unreliable and late. i hope i have changed for the better from germany.
we will soon see. france is a very different culture. i'm curious to see how i will react. it's been 10 yrs since i lived in france and a lot has happened in those 10 yrs. i think i've matured a little i suppose, not sure in which way though. sometimes you are sure of certain things you need to experience in order to advance in life, you know? being a mom will advance in a certain way because it has its challenges. the next step for me is to work independently for myself and hopefully employ other people. this is my next goal in france. that will afford me a whole new learning experience and i have more skills that can be sold in france than in the US. my biggest set backs now are lack of concentration or making choices, lack of focus and fear. i will have to make a decision adn get over my fear pretty fast. i have until christmas to get my situation cleared becuase xavier has a job only until then for sure. worst case scenario he will be unemployed again by christmas. i chose to be stable now. we want to buy a house in 1 yr. that is the goal, so i plan on sticking to it. i want to have a pied a terre in europe and one in the states, minimum. i think it is important and completely feasible.
that is all the news there is here. anais had her birthday party yesterday. i think it was a big success. her best friends are very sad she is leaving. i think anais is sad too. she has made it very clear she does not want to go to school in french, she wants to go to school in english and if not english, then german. i told her she will have to learn french anyway, but we will see what we can do. if we can get her into the int'l school, it will be half english half french, which would be perfect for her. i think she would be soooo happy with other internationals who are all in the same boat. her 2 best friends are internationals. 1 mom is polish living in germany, the other is german but lived in hong kong for 3 yrs and went to an english speaking kindergarten. interesting. i can't blame her, i'm better friends with both their mommy's as well.
i hope this blog hasn't been too negative. i have been getting a little criticism about my negativity. don't mean to be whiny or anything, sometimes i just put out some of my frustrations on paper i suppose. i hope you are all well. and i will be dropping off the radar for sometime until we get the phone line straightened out. with the moves and paying double rents, we are going to be very short on cash, so the phone line might wait until july or even later. so i will let you know when i get back online. i hope you have a nice summer and don't worry if you don't hear any news for awhile, this is how it goes i suppose. speak to you again soon.
love, jennel
we have no house number yet, the house is brand new.
Chemin du hameau du Plan
04800 Gréoux-les-Bains
France
don't have a phone number yet. movers come this friday and we will be on the road by saturday. we should arrive in Greoux sometime btw sunday and monday depending on whether or not we stop over at Coralie's house. the neighbors are giving us a good-bye party with the neighborhood on friday at 4 PM. not sure what to expect. Anais and austin will have a good-bye party on wednesday at kindergarten. as usual i have too much to do before friday. xavier flies in thursday night on his birthday. i have to do some presorting now and have accomplished most of what i need to do so it is ok. the kids have off on thursday so not sure what we'll do. i still have to call friends here and say good-bye. not everyone knows we're leaving. some people are sad, some probably not.
i'm not sure how i feel. i don't really feel anything to be honest. i have some friends here and i will miss them but that is about it. i think i will miss some things about germany and about bavaria. bavaria is really beautiful with the rolling meadows, green pine forests and mountains. when it is sunny, it is heaven. it's just sunny maybe 1 out of 3-4 days. i won't miss the rain. what can i say, there is a reason why it is so green. it is cold when it rains even in the summer, so a summer day can be quite extreme in temperature based on how much sun there is. i will miss the recycling attitude, germany is very pro-environment. i might even miss its directness. i had a hard time with people telling me what to do. i was always extremely affronted, but after 5 yrs, i'm used to it and find myself adapting to it. people are just trying to be helpful when they give you advice off the street, they don't mean anything bad by it. i'm not offended anymore. i found that my biggest problem was MY intolerance. i was the one who would not tolerate german culture and i had to adapt. it took a good 3 yrs to understand the culture and be able to adapt to it. it also helps when you make a lot of progress in the language then you can actually communicate and there is less room open for misunderstandings, which happens all the time at the beginning.
everyone thinks we'll be happier in france. xavier seems happier despite being away from the kids. he has been gone now for 1 month and i think for him being away is very tough. for me it has been interesting. i miss xavier and his companionship but i have been quite busy and socialable so it hasn't been that hard to be honest. i was sad during the time before he left but accepted it to be as it is and it was ok. i'm happy and looking forward to seeing him again soon. the kids really miss their papa. i feel a little odd not being too sad. it's kind of strange. i was very very sad when i left texas, but that was also my friends, my surrogate family in austin, and my family and culture knowing i was going to be cut off for a long time. yes, i was very very sad to leave the US and i did start to cry in Jill's car when she dropped me off at the airport. it was hard.
moving to france will be considerably less difficult. my main worries are not knowing where i am or where to shop for groceries, cat litter, things like that. we'll have lots of things to change over like car registration, insurances, kids schools, etc. it's not the end of the world, it's just a lot of work. xavier has already been working diligently on the papers and school registrations on his side. we are trying to get anais into the int'l school in manosque. we'll see if we can pull it off or not. i hope it's free but we don't even know if there is a price.
beyond that everything is more or less normal here. i'm getting anxious to get out of here, kind of antsy you know? i just want to get it over with. it is still really odd not to feel sadness. i don't know what's wrong? i don't feel joy either, just mostly little stresses and worries. i'm worried for anais more than anything else. she will feel the move the most and i don't like taking her away from her friends. even if we stayed here, she would have to go to a different school than her friends anyway because we live out of district and i couldn't get her into holzkirchen where she is going to kindergarten. i find the people feeding into the local school a little dorfisch (too small town) i feel much better with the holzkircheners. my friends are either ausländers (foreigners) or people who have lived abroad. i'm sure it will be the same in france. xavier already has more friends in france in less than 1 month than he has had here in germany in 5 yrs.
germans are very reserved. socially it's like doing a waltz, you don't really touch anyone and you keep dancing around in circles but never get really close. americans don't dance around in circles. there is no formality to making friends. we don't have walls that you need to climb over. we either like each other or we don't. not sure how it is in france. i think it is inbtw US and Germany socially. my language inability was my largest single barrier to creating friendships and relationships. it was very difficult more than anything else. the one thing i have truly learned in germany is isolation. my 9 months in dresden were probably some of the worst if not THE worst 9 months of my life. a woman with no ability to socialize in any remedial way with ANYONE, day in and day out, not able to speak to anyone or have any friends is like taking a flower and depriving her of water and sun. I don't EVER want to experience that again. it is isolation to the fullest and it is hard. you don'T make an effort getting into any social organization if even one exists in dresden because you know you are leaving soon, you just don't have the exact date. the stress i have now is peanuts compared to what i experienced in dresden. xavier and i were like puppets on a string being pulled in every direction and not knowing when the strings will be pulled by his boss and by the restructureing of his company.
moving employees around happens a lot in germany. if you want to get ahead then you have to move the minute they decide they want to put you in Dortmund, Dresden, Frankfurt, you name it. many families end up split. the wife and children remain in one place while the husband moves to another city for a yr or 2 while he works for the same exact company, just because some boss in his company decides it. he has to be a good soldier or his career will suffer. woman only follow for a time until they stop and plant themselves and their family because it's not fair to the children. everyone agrees this company culture is stupid and accomplishes nothing, but that is the way it is, so people have to just accept it. it is very specific to german culture, not sure why.
the good thing about germans is their impeccable tidiness. you can literally eat off their floor. you can eat off any part of a german's house, it is so impeccably clean. germans are clean, organized, perfectionists. the gardens and lawns are tended to with perfection and love and care. wood logs are stacked evenly and covered appropriately so as to not get wet when it rains. clothes are mended and ironed. homes are cleaned at least 1X a week and floors are swept at least every day. toys are organized into their appropriate boxes as well as papers and mail. i have never seen a country so organized in my life. people take great pride in their homes and in their work. a housewife is a job and is upheld to perfection. cakes are all homemade. homework is overseen by mom. kids are taken to sports adn music lessons by mom. acutally men go to work and women do everything else. i say men work but women make the world go 'round. i'm very impressed by german women. they do so much, most of which is never paid. they don't complain or anything, it's just normal. i have the impression though that they believe their work to be inferior to that of a man's. i alone seem to hold the opposite view. in america we would call them supermoms. the minimum bar is just held so high as a mother it's kind of impressive. a lot of mom's still work part time. i think most feel it too much of a strain to work full time, which i understand. imagine an entire country of perfection. men go to work without question and do whatever their companies ask of them, sacrifice everything for their work without question or standing up to authority, good soldiers. women taking care of the welfare of the family, children, home, education, and some work on top of that. it is a very efficient country filled with pride in every identity. everyone takes their work very seriously no matter how menial a job, no matter how little education one has, all work is done with pride and accomplished to perfection. i think i will miss this the most. the pride, the perfection, the cleanliness, the reliability of germans. when a german says something, they mean it. if a german says they are going to do something, or invite you to their home, they mean it. they are wonderfully reliable. i hope it is the one thing i have learned from them becuase i always felt myself to be flaky and unreliable and late. i hope i have changed for the better from germany.
we will soon see. france is a very different culture. i'm curious to see how i will react. it's been 10 yrs since i lived in france and a lot has happened in those 10 yrs. i think i've matured a little i suppose, not sure in which way though. sometimes you are sure of certain things you need to experience in order to advance in life, you know? being a mom will advance in a certain way because it has its challenges. the next step for me is to work independently for myself and hopefully employ other people. this is my next goal in france. that will afford me a whole new learning experience and i have more skills that can be sold in france than in the US. my biggest set backs now are lack of concentration or making choices, lack of focus and fear. i will have to make a decision adn get over my fear pretty fast. i have until christmas to get my situation cleared becuase xavier has a job only until then for sure. worst case scenario he will be unemployed again by christmas. i chose to be stable now. we want to buy a house in 1 yr. that is the goal, so i plan on sticking to it. i want to have a pied a terre in europe and one in the states, minimum. i think it is important and completely feasible.
that is all the news there is here. anais had her birthday party yesterday. i think it was a big success. her best friends are very sad she is leaving. i think anais is sad too. she has made it very clear she does not want to go to school in french, she wants to go to school in english and if not english, then german. i told her she will have to learn french anyway, but we will see what we can do. if we can get her into the int'l school, it will be half english half french, which would be perfect for her. i think she would be soooo happy with other internationals who are all in the same boat. her 2 best friends are internationals. 1 mom is polish living in germany, the other is german but lived in hong kong for 3 yrs and went to an english speaking kindergarten. interesting. i can't blame her, i'm better friends with both their mommy's as well.
i hope this blog hasn't been too negative. i have been getting a little criticism about my negativity. don't mean to be whiny or anything, sometimes i just put out some of my frustrations on paper i suppose. i hope you are all well. and i will be dropping off the radar for sometime until we get the phone line straightened out. with the moves and paying double rents, we are going to be very short on cash, so the phone line might wait until july or even later. so i will let you know when i get back online. i hope you have a nice summer and don't worry if you don't hear any news for awhile, this is how it goes i suppose. speak to you again soon.
love, jennel
Sunday, May 17, 2009
News: We're Moving to France
wrote some long winded blog for the beginning of may, but didn't send out the link to anyone. new course of info. xavier accepted a job as setting up project mgt in the south of France for a nuclear fusion research thing. it is in an area called cadarache, about 20 km north of aix-en-provence, near marseille. It's in a large area generally known as provence. it's about 1 hr drive to the mediterranean. kids will be able to go to a beach that actually has sand. here the closest sandy beach is in Italy. I haven't had the chance to visit much of ITaly, I'm sorry to say. There are places to visit like the Dolomites and the Adriatic coast. We drove through Tuscany once and it was really beautiful. I wouldn't mind living there. The south of france is supposed to be one of the best parts of france, so I'm happy. I visited Aix-en-Provence once 10 yrs ago and I really liked it as far as cities go. It was clean, sunny, warm and bourgeois, what's there not to like?
Xavier already left. He signed the contract a week ago monday and took off that saturday. I am staying behind with the kids mainly because we haven't found anything to rent yet. We have to pay 3 mos notice here which brings me to the end of July. I figure I will move anytime btw the end of June and July. I've agreed to work here the last week in may and the first 2 weeks in june. It will be very hard now that Xavier is gone. I have no back up and I have to get to munich somehow and find a nanny for Nikki. Travelling, the Nanny, and the extra hours in kindergarten for anais and austin are basically costing me what I will earn in income. But for me it is important to try to see how it goes. This scenario has been one of my biggest fears about going back to work, trying to figure out how to get it all together.
So, will let you know when we have an address. Not sure if Xavier can come back and visit or not. It'S very hard on him. He misses the kids and is very sad not to see them. He is going to miss Nikki's 1st b-day and Anais' 6th b-day. We will also miss his 41st b-day and our 7th wedding anniversary. Apparently June is a very busy month for our family. Austin keeps asking about dad and I think he misses him a lot. I call Xavier at night when the kids go to bed so they can say goodnight to him. I try to explain the situation to them, but I'm not sure how much they understand. So far, nothing has changed much for them except papa is away.
We are not sure if it will be cheaper to rent or to buy, so we'll have to wait and see. If we can buy, then I would. I don't need to see the house to buy it, I don't really care. I do however care about the taxes. They supposedly have some new tax saving laws specific to housing, like you only get rebates when redoing the inside, or building new, or adding on an extra room. It's important that we will be able to rent it out later if and when we decide to move, that's my other main concern.
It's kind of sad to leave now. My German is finally getting good enough that I'm comfortable expressing myself and for the first time in about 4 years, I actually feel like myself. I have finally integrated into the culture and have friends. Now I have to learn how to write properly. You can wing speaking but not writing. Still it has been the first time I'm sort of on my own and it's a nice change. I thought that I'd be more responsible and more proactive and lead my life instead of feeling like I'm waiting. It's hard to have no back up, but it's also a good education. I thought I'd be more stressed or sad, but I feel kind of free. I did start to cry before Xavier left, for about 30 seconds and then I thought "hey why am I crying? I knew this day would come, so why not just try to make the most of this situation?" I think I'm going to be totally stressed when I will be working, so we'll see. All that will happen right in the middle of anais and nikki's b-days. That's going to be rough. normal moms do this kind of thing all the time. not sure how they cope? here they call it "power frau."
What we consider in the states to be "super moms" here is just considered normal ordinary housewife. All moms volunteer with the schools, some are crossing guards, some work part time. All drive their kids to sports and pay for music school or ballet lessons, ski lessons, horseback riding lessons, and swimming lessons. I signed Anais up for gymnastics 1x week at the turnhalle, and 1 X normal indoor sports at the turnhalle so she could go with her friends Magnus and Martha. I also had Austin 1X per week at the turnhalle at the same time as anais. The Turnhalle thing was hell because I had to sit there and wait with nikki and bring snacks and all that. 1 hour sports meant 3 hrs of stress for me. when anais didn't want to go to the turnhalle anymore, I was pretty psyched.
All moms cook for the school festivals or volunteer to work during the festivals and make all homemade goodies from scratch. no one buys instant cake mixes. that would be a travesty. when your kid has a birthday in kindergarten, you better bring a homemade something to school to celebrate. "super moms" don't like keeping their kids in school or kindergarten for too long lengths of time. They like their kids to come home at lunch so they can feed them. Here the biggest meal is lunch. That's when you really cook. That means your freedom ends at 11 because you have to cook lunch so the kids can eat at noon. I don't have the super mom thing. At least, not on purpose. I make homemade food for the kids on their birthdays because the minimum bar is raised so darn high, it'S the least I gotta do. I sign up to bake for the festivals, because I certainly don't want to work selling cake and because like 50 people sign up to bake and it's a lot of pressure to take part. I taught the English course at the school because I was really the best qualified person to do it, since I'm the only native English speaker and I thought it would help my resume, give me some experience since before then I had none and give me a little weight to help get Austin into the kindergarten this year because I'm out of district and don't normally have a prayer getting into this awesome kindergarten. I taught the English class again this year because it was the least I could do to say thanks for getting Austin into this school and I promised them last year I would do it again, plus it's fun. "Super moms" and "Power Fraus" That's being a mom in Germany.
Xavier already left. He signed the contract a week ago monday and took off that saturday. I am staying behind with the kids mainly because we haven't found anything to rent yet. We have to pay 3 mos notice here which brings me to the end of July. I figure I will move anytime btw the end of June and July. I've agreed to work here the last week in may and the first 2 weeks in june. It will be very hard now that Xavier is gone. I have no back up and I have to get to munich somehow and find a nanny for Nikki. Travelling, the Nanny, and the extra hours in kindergarten for anais and austin are basically costing me what I will earn in income. But for me it is important to try to see how it goes. This scenario has been one of my biggest fears about going back to work, trying to figure out how to get it all together.
So, will let you know when we have an address. Not sure if Xavier can come back and visit or not. It'S very hard on him. He misses the kids and is very sad not to see them. He is going to miss Nikki's 1st b-day and Anais' 6th b-day. We will also miss his 41st b-day and our 7th wedding anniversary. Apparently June is a very busy month for our family. Austin keeps asking about dad and I think he misses him a lot. I call Xavier at night when the kids go to bed so they can say goodnight to him. I try to explain the situation to them, but I'm not sure how much they understand. So far, nothing has changed much for them except papa is away.
We are not sure if it will be cheaper to rent or to buy, so we'll have to wait and see. If we can buy, then I would. I don't need to see the house to buy it, I don't really care. I do however care about the taxes. They supposedly have some new tax saving laws specific to housing, like you only get rebates when redoing the inside, or building new, or adding on an extra room. It's important that we will be able to rent it out later if and when we decide to move, that's my other main concern.
It's kind of sad to leave now. My German is finally getting good enough that I'm comfortable expressing myself and for the first time in about 4 years, I actually feel like myself. I have finally integrated into the culture and have friends. Now I have to learn how to write properly. You can wing speaking but not writing. Still it has been the first time I'm sort of on my own and it's a nice change. I thought that I'd be more responsible and more proactive and lead my life instead of feeling like I'm waiting. It's hard to have no back up, but it's also a good education. I thought I'd be more stressed or sad, but I feel kind of free. I did start to cry before Xavier left, for about 30 seconds and then I thought "hey why am I crying? I knew this day would come, so why not just try to make the most of this situation?" I think I'm going to be totally stressed when I will be working, so we'll see. All that will happen right in the middle of anais and nikki's b-days. That's going to be rough. normal moms do this kind of thing all the time. not sure how they cope? here they call it "power frau."
What we consider in the states to be "super moms" here is just considered normal ordinary housewife. All moms volunteer with the schools, some are crossing guards, some work part time. All drive their kids to sports and pay for music school or ballet lessons, ski lessons, horseback riding lessons, and swimming lessons. I signed Anais up for gymnastics 1x week at the turnhalle, and 1 X normal indoor sports at the turnhalle so she could go with her friends Magnus and Martha. I also had Austin 1X per week at the turnhalle at the same time as anais. The Turnhalle thing was hell because I had to sit there and wait with nikki and bring snacks and all that. 1 hour sports meant 3 hrs of stress for me. when anais didn't want to go to the turnhalle anymore, I was pretty psyched.
All moms cook for the school festivals or volunteer to work during the festivals and make all homemade goodies from scratch. no one buys instant cake mixes. that would be a travesty. when your kid has a birthday in kindergarten, you better bring a homemade something to school to celebrate. "super moms" don't like keeping their kids in school or kindergarten for too long lengths of time. They like their kids to come home at lunch so they can feed them. Here the biggest meal is lunch. That's when you really cook. That means your freedom ends at 11 because you have to cook lunch so the kids can eat at noon. I don't have the super mom thing. At least, not on purpose. I make homemade food for the kids on their birthdays because the minimum bar is raised so darn high, it'S the least I gotta do. I sign up to bake for the festivals, because I certainly don't want to work selling cake and because like 50 people sign up to bake and it's a lot of pressure to take part. I taught the English course at the school because I was really the best qualified person to do it, since I'm the only native English speaker and I thought it would help my resume, give me some experience since before then I had none and give me a little weight to help get Austin into the kindergarten this year because I'm out of district and don't normally have a prayer getting into this awesome kindergarten. I taught the English class again this year because it was the least I could do to say thanks for getting Austin into this school and I promised them last year I would do it again, plus it's fun. "Super moms" and "Power Fraus" That's being a mom in Germany.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
News May
We may be moving.
Xavier has found a job in the south of france. we're still waiting on the contract, but they want him to start working in 1 week. we've been interviewing moving companies, so this is feeling quite real. I told the children there is a good chance we'll move to france soon. they didn't seem to care either way. anais didn't want to be separated from me. she said "but i need you." I told her we would stay together as a family. I've already agreed to work here in munich for the last week in may and the first 2 weeks in june (holiday called pfingston) so now i have to find a tagesmutter to take care of the kids since there is a good chance i will be alone.
until we sign a contract, i will continue as though we are staying here in germany and we are living on unemployment. we have to give 3 mos notice for our house rental here in munich, which means we ought to at least give notice may 1.
when moves go, they go fast. when we left texas, it took maybe 3 weeks from the day we signed the contract to being on the plane. it was fast and you are never prepared. this time my friendships aren't that deep in germany considering i've been here for 4,5 yrs.
at least now i know what to expect regarding moving with children, the conplications with language, so and and so forth. i need to get a work permit in france. we will do that straight away. i think france is better set up for women to work. it might be easier, plus everyone works so i would be alone by myself anyway. it's hard to move. i have a better idea as to what i want to do now though, so that's already something, not just trying to survive the day. anais will need a lot of help with school and we won'T be able to move again now or at least remain in english or french languges regarding school for the kids. i wouldn't mind after a few yrs taking a sabatical from france and going for a few years in india or something like that. that would be interesting.
our next goal is to become stable and no matter what happens settle in the south of france. we opened a savings account last yr to buy a house in france. that will mature in 2 yrs. these accounts secure a low interest rate when you buy. we need to rent for 2 yrs and give us a chance to visit the area and see where we want to settle. i think we're following my friend barbara'S path. they are german and lived in CA for about 7 yrs. her husband wanted to stay in CA but Barbara was home sick. her husband found a job in Zurich. they thought Europe is Europe so it shouldn't be a big deal. they lived in a village and had trouble integrating and they realized that Zurich is not Germany, so after about 3 yrs they moved again, this time back to munich. they decided not to live in a village because though spacious and calm, there is a lack of infrastructure, so they decided to go to a town and build a house. we went from suburbia usa, to city dresden, to village munich and i suspect we will end up in town in france and buy a place. we cannot buy here because 1. cost, but mostly because when we move again, we don't have a good enough command of german to be able to write contracts and rent it out. i don't feel comfortable doing that. plus your mortgage is 2X what you can receive in rent so financially it doesn't make any sense. here there is no tax rebate on owning a house, just a lot of money out of our pocket. everyone becomes house poor when they own. we have to learn about the tax benefits in france. i guess they have some new laws now that give tax benefits.
first of course is wait for the contract. in the meantime, anais is set up to go to school here locally in the fall. she will be going to Dietramszell. she only knows 1 person there so moving to france won't be such a great upset. she will have a hard time at first in france because she is very far behind in french and the german kindergarten is behind france in education. kids in france start learning in kindergarten, while in germany they only learn to count to maybe 10 or 20. french kids already learn letters and cursive in kindergarten, so anais will be behind on top of the language difficulty. I work with her on the alphabet, but she seems to learn better in school. i'll put the kids in speech therapy again in france. i have a lot of papers to update here like passports before we leave. still haven't done it.
austin had his 4th birthday yesterday by the way. we had a party. i asked him who he would like to invite from school and they were all girls. so i invited them plus a few boys. i think he had a good time.
we do have friends here, just like we did in TX, but i know we'll make more friends in france as well. it's just hard to keep up. my friendships haven't been that deep here because of the language barrier. mind you a german speaking english is the same as me speaking german, our conversations are limited to our vocabulary. expressing complicated thoughts requires a richness of vocabulary so conversations are always limited. it can be frustrating. sometimes its also personalities that you just can't get deep or thoughts out of people. my neighbor is lovely and british, but i can't get anything deeper than surface conversation out of her. i've known her for 3 yrs and i don't think she's ever expressed much of an opinion on anything. it's a little frustrating.
i have some photos to share so i'll post them if i can figure it out. i hope you're all okay and i'll let you know what's going on here. not sure when xavier will start his new job. the company wants him to start may 11 or the 18th, but we have no contract yet and no place to live in france, so i think they're a little confused about reality. we will need to go and look at the area as well. this time we have to take all 3 kids with us. it will be difficult. we can't ask my mother in law to come and watch the kids alone, it's too much for her to handle being alone in Germany. And my father in law cannot help her anymore. I need to visit schools and see if we can get the kids into the free int'l school in Manosque. i need to make a home now. no more transition lifestyle. i want my own place with a little garden. i think it is much sunnier in the south of france than here and the kids keep asking to go to the beach. the nearest beach here is Italy. if i ever lived in france i would want to live either in the south, massif centrale, or les landes. so it's good.
will let you know more about news when something develops. I will also write a blurb on Germany, but only positive things. I've had a bit of criticism that my blogs about Germany are supremely negative. I don't mean for that to happen. there are many good and positive things here. I'll give examples. I think so far, I've given an entirely unfairly negative view point about germany, so i will be more fair. talk to you again soon.
Xavier has found a job in the south of france. we're still waiting on the contract, but they want him to start working in 1 week. we've been interviewing moving companies, so this is feeling quite real. I told the children there is a good chance we'll move to france soon. they didn't seem to care either way. anais didn't want to be separated from me. she said "but i need you." I told her we would stay together as a family. I've already agreed to work here in munich for the last week in may and the first 2 weeks in june (holiday called pfingston) so now i have to find a tagesmutter to take care of the kids since there is a good chance i will be alone.
until we sign a contract, i will continue as though we are staying here in germany and we are living on unemployment. we have to give 3 mos notice for our house rental here in munich, which means we ought to at least give notice may 1.
when moves go, they go fast. when we left texas, it took maybe 3 weeks from the day we signed the contract to being on the plane. it was fast and you are never prepared. this time my friendships aren't that deep in germany considering i've been here for 4,5 yrs.
at least now i know what to expect regarding moving with children, the conplications with language, so and and so forth. i need to get a work permit in france. we will do that straight away. i think france is better set up for women to work. it might be easier, plus everyone works so i would be alone by myself anyway. it's hard to move. i have a better idea as to what i want to do now though, so that's already something, not just trying to survive the day. anais will need a lot of help with school and we won'T be able to move again now or at least remain in english or french languges regarding school for the kids. i wouldn't mind after a few yrs taking a sabatical from france and going for a few years in india or something like that. that would be interesting.
our next goal is to become stable and no matter what happens settle in the south of france. we opened a savings account last yr to buy a house in france. that will mature in 2 yrs. these accounts secure a low interest rate when you buy. we need to rent for 2 yrs and give us a chance to visit the area and see where we want to settle. i think we're following my friend barbara'S path. they are german and lived in CA for about 7 yrs. her husband wanted to stay in CA but Barbara was home sick. her husband found a job in Zurich. they thought Europe is Europe so it shouldn't be a big deal. they lived in a village and had trouble integrating and they realized that Zurich is not Germany, so after about 3 yrs they moved again, this time back to munich. they decided not to live in a village because though spacious and calm, there is a lack of infrastructure, so they decided to go to a town and build a house. we went from suburbia usa, to city dresden, to village munich and i suspect we will end up in town in france and buy a place. we cannot buy here because 1. cost, but mostly because when we move again, we don't have a good enough command of german to be able to write contracts and rent it out. i don't feel comfortable doing that. plus your mortgage is 2X what you can receive in rent so financially it doesn't make any sense. here there is no tax rebate on owning a house, just a lot of money out of our pocket. everyone becomes house poor when they own. we have to learn about the tax benefits in france. i guess they have some new laws now that give tax benefits.
first of course is wait for the contract. in the meantime, anais is set up to go to school here locally in the fall. she will be going to Dietramszell. she only knows 1 person there so moving to france won't be such a great upset. she will have a hard time at first in france because she is very far behind in french and the german kindergarten is behind france in education. kids in france start learning in kindergarten, while in germany they only learn to count to maybe 10 or 20. french kids already learn letters and cursive in kindergarten, so anais will be behind on top of the language difficulty. I work with her on the alphabet, but she seems to learn better in school. i'll put the kids in speech therapy again in france. i have a lot of papers to update here like passports before we leave. still haven't done it.
austin had his 4th birthday yesterday by the way. we had a party. i asked him who he would like to invite from school and they were all girls. so i invited them plus a few boys. i think he had a good time.
we do have friends here, just like we did in TX, but i know we'll make more friends in france as well. it's just hard to keep up. my friendships haven't been that deep here because of the language barrier. mind you a german speaking english is the same as me speaking german, our conversations are limited to our vocabulary. expressing complicated thoughts requires a richness of vocabulary so conversations are always limited. it can be frustrating. sometimes its also personalities that you just can't get deep or thoughts out of people. my neighbor is lovely and british, but i can't get anything deeper than surface conversation out of her. i've known her for 3 yrs and i don't think she's ever expressed much of an opinion on anything. it's a little frustrating.
i have some photos to share so i'll post them if i can figure it out. i hope you're all okay and i'll let you know what's going on here. not sure when xavier will start his new job. the company wants him to start may 11 or the 18th, but we have no contract yet and no place to live in france, so i think they're a little confused about reality. we will need to go and look at the area as well. this time we have to take all 3 kids with us. it will be difficult. we can't ask my mother in law to come and watch the kids alone, it's too much for her to handle being alone in Germany. And my father in law cannot help her anymore. I need to visit schools and see if we can get the kids into the free int'l school in Manosque. i need to make a home now. no more transition lifestyle. i want my own place with a little garden. i think it is much sunnier in the south of france than here and the kids keep asking to go to the beach. the nearest beach here is Italy. if i ever lived in france i would want to live either in the south, massif centrale, or les landes. so it's good.
will let you know more about news when something develops. I will also write a blurb on Germany, but only positive things. I've had a bit of criticism that my blogs about Germany are supremely negative. I don't mean for that to happen. there are many good and positive things here. I'll give examples. I think so far, I've given an entirely unfairly negative view point about germany, so i will be more fair. talk to you again soon.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Germany News March 2009
Hello everyone, I hope you are all well and that the economy in the states isn't hitting you too hard, for those of you living there. For those of you living outside the states I know there is an economic recession hitting all over Europe as well, so I hope you are not getting hit too hard especially if you are an expat. It seems the expats are some of the first to get laid off.
Firstly, the kids are all good. Nikki is 9 mos now and has 2 teeth. Anais will start 1st grade in the fall. Getting her into school in Holzkirchen looks like a no-go, so she will probably have to go to school in Dietramszell, the local village school. She will have an in-school prufung to see if they think she's ready to attend. She already had an exam by the speech therapist who said that Anais is more or less ready for school. Her German is still coming along. The teachers say she has no accent. She is starting to correct my pronunciation, which I do need help in. Austin is flying along in German. I think he might be gifted in terms of languages, or perhaps just gifted in general. The speech therapist said he has the same German capacity as that of a normal German 3 yr old. The difference is he's been in school only for 7 mos.
We are still very unstable and not sure where we are going next. Xavier has been laid off. We received no bonus this yr and salary will officially end in 1 week. He looked for jobs with companies for awhile to no avail. He had a job interview in the south of france which went nowhere. He is setting himself up to become self-employed and getting his company ready. Yesterday, Xavier got contacted by a company located in Aix-en-Provence (south france) for a job and he will be flying there wed and staying for a week. This one looks very promising. It will start mid-April if it does happen, but he will take a pay cut, but it will still be much higher than unemployment, which will not suffice for our basic needs.
I have been looking for jobs here in Germany and have had 2 interviews so far. Both interviews have passed with flying colors. However, they are both for free lance work and will not bring too many hours. But at least, if I can work, I know it will help us eat. I will be teaching English and perhaps French as well. The jobs are with 2 different companies, both private foreign language schools. I have a wonderful niche here having English as a mother tongue. I've been teaching the english class at the kid's kindergarten for the past 2 yrs now and I feel very confident with my capacity for teaching 5 yr olds and have taught a little private English for adults. I really want to teach business English because that's where the money is and that's where I lack experience. My last interview was today and I offered to teach French as well. The owner was hesitent because I had only studied French. Then we started speaking in French. Yes, she is German who is fluent in English and French. Well, after that conversation, she's got me on the list to teach French as well. She told me I have no accent in French. I said, "you're very kind." So in perparation for today's interview I bought my very first suit this week. I got it used and it still smells like someone's basement, but it fits. All my business clothes are hand-me downs from highschool. I think it's time I invested a little in updating my wardrobe, even if it's from second hand stores. My body has changed a lot after having kids (mostly for the worse), so my clothes don't fit right anymore. I hope to start working soon. Xavier just might get this job in France, who knows. No matter what happens, I plan on having the kids finish this school yr. I'm not going to get my hopes up for this south of France job, though I wouldn't mind living in France. I plan on going back to work no matter where I am. I love my kids, but I need to have other activities outside of them. Anais' kindergarten is also giving us foreign mom's a German course for 10 weeks. I went to the first one wed. I enjoyed it. Half the women are from Turkey, 1 from India, 1 from Italy, 1 from Croatia. 1/2 speak German well. The other 1/2 hardly speak German at all. I'm actually in the half that speak well, but I totally identify with those who can't speak. That was my life 4 yrs ago and it's horrible. There is no worse feeling than not being able to function within your immediate environment. You are really handicapped and only a lot of time and some work will get you past it. It always takes more time than you want. It is very frustrating. I am finally at the level where I can make small talk with other moms. I have found that I am relatively well known, considering I spoke so little with people in our area. There is something important to having contacts here. Everyone knows everyone else and when you are tri-lingual American, you do stand out, for the better. I think it will help when I try to get work, especially if I work for myself in the area. The more contact I'm getting with the locals, the better off I feel. It's odd, but there is immediate results to networking here.
I suspect we will have much more good news to come shortly. We shall see. Or starvation.... : )
I have learned some things in Germany. I've learned the true meaning of competence. The entire country is competent. When a German says they will do something, they do it. If you make plans next week on Wed, expect them at your door at the exact time discussed. They have complete follow through with work, even if you need something from someone who is absent. Their collegue can leave them a little sticky note and my God it will actually get done. There is a total pride in everything and things are done to the utmost perfection. Homes are kept up with orderly and cleaness (ok, mine aspires to that but still has a long way to go). It has had a positive effect on me. There are things I've tried to adapt to myself, things that I feel I lack that I want to be, like competent and reliable and perhaps to a lesser degree, keeping a perfectly tidy house.
So that's the news for now. I have to say, I'm feeling very good about myself and very positive and I haven't felt this way in a long time. This unfortunate situation of Xavier's has really afforded me new possibilities for the first time, especially in terms of working. Xavier can watch the kids and help when I have interviews. I didn't have that luxury before. I was totally on my own without knowing a baby-sitter. It's a totally different situation when your man is available to help you, and there is no greater motivation than when you're facing imminent starvation. : )
I hope you are well and I give all of you my love.
Firstly, the kids are all good. Nikki is 9 mos now and has 2 teeth. Anais will start 1st grade in the fall. Getting her into school in Holzkirchen looks like a no-go, so she will probably have to go to school in Dietramszell, the local village school. She will have an in-school prufung to see if they think she's ready to attend. She already had an exam by the speech therapist who said that Anais is more or less ready for school. Her German is still coming along. The teachers say she has no accent. She is starting to correct my pronunciation, which I do need help in. Austin is flying along in German. I think he might be gifted in terms of languages, or perhaps just gifted in general. The speech therapist said he has the same German capacity as that of a normal German 3 yr old. The difference is he's been in school only for 7 mos.
We are still very unstable and not sure where we are going next. Xavier has been laid off. We received no bonus this yr and salary will officially end in 1 week. He looked for jobs with companies for awhile to no avail. He had a job interview in the south of france which went nowhere. He is setting himself up to become self-employed and getting his company ready. Yesterday, Xavier got contacted by a company located in Aix-en-Provence (south france) for a job and he will be flying there wed and staying for a week. This one looks very promising. It will start mid-April if it does happen, but he will take a pay cut, but it will still be much higher than unemployment, which will not suffice for our basic needs.
I have been looking for jobs here in Germany and have had 2 interviews so far. Both interviews have passed with flying colors. However, they are both for free lance work and will not bring too many hours. But at least, if I can work, I know it will help us eat. I will be teaching English and perhaps French as well. The jobs are with 2 different companies, both private foreign language schools. I have a wonderful niche here having English as a mother tongue. I've been teaching the english class at the kid's kindergarten for the past 2 yrs now and I feel very confident with my capacity for teaching 5 yr olds and have taught a little private English for adults. I really want to teach business English because that's where the money is and that's where I lack experience. My last interview was today and I offered to teach French as well. The owner was hesitent because I had only studied French. Then we started speaking in French. Yes, she is German who is fluent in English and French. Well, after that conversation, she's got me on the list to teach French as well. She told me I have no accent in French. I said, "you're very kind." So in perparation for today's interview I bought my very first suit this week. I got it used and it still smells like someone's basement, but it fits. All my business clothes are hand-me downs from highschool. I think it's time I invested a little in updating my wardrobe, even if it's from second hand stores. My body has changed a lot after having kids (mostly for the worse), so my clothes don't fit right anymore. I hope to start working soon. Xavier just might get this job in France, who knows. No matter what happens, I plan on having the kids finish this school yr. I'm not going to get my hopes up for this south of France job, though I wouldn't mind living in France. I plan on going back to work no matter where I am. I love my kids, but I need to have other activities outside of them. Anais' kindergarten is also giving us foreign mom's a German course for 10 weeks. I went to the first one wed. I enjoyed it. Half the women are from Turkey, 1 from India, 1 from Italy, 1 from Croatia. 1/2 speak German well. The other 1/2 hardly speak German at all. I'm actually in the half that speak well, but I totally identify with those who can't speak. That was my life 4 yrs ago and it's horrible. There is no worse feeling than not being able to function within your immediate environment. You are really handicapped and only a lot of time and some work will get you past it. It always takes more time than you want. It is very frustrating. I am finally at the level where I can make small talk with other moms. I have found that I am relatively well known, considering I spoke so little with people in our area. There is something important to having contacts here. Everyone knows everyone else and when you are tri-lingual American, you do stand out, for the better. I think it will help when I try to get work, especially if I work for myself in the area. The more contact I'm getting with the locals, the better off I feel. It's odd, but there is immediate results to networking here.
I suspect we will have much more good news to come shortly. We shall see. Or starvation.... : )
I have learned some things in Germany. I've learned the true meaning of competence. The entire country is competent. When a German says they will do something, they do it. If you make plans next week on Wed, expect them at your door at the exact time discussed. They have complete follow through with work, even if you need something from someone who is absent. Their collegue can leave them a little sticky note and my God it will actually get done. There is a total pride in everything and things are done to the utmost perfection. Homes are kept up with orderly and cleaness (ok, mine aspires to that but still has a long way to go). It has had a positive effect on me. There are things I've tried to adapt to myself, things that I feel I lack that I want to be, like competent and reliable and perhaps to a lesser degree, keeping a perfectly tidy house.
So that's the news for now. I have to say, I'm feeling very good about myself and very positive and I haven't felt this way in a long time. This unfortunate situation of Xavier's has really afforded me new possibilities for the first time, especially in terms of working. Xavier can watch the kids and help when I have interviews. I didn't have that luxury before. I was totally on my own without knowing a baby-sitter. It's a totally different situation when your man is available to help you, and there is no greater motivation than when you're facing imminent starvation. : )
I hope you are well and I give all of you my love.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Pouchain Family News Jan 2009
Well the outlook is not so good for us currently. Xavier is suing his company. He did not take the severance package because if he had, he would not be able to sue the company. And as we are finding out this week, if he had taken the severance package, he wouldn't have recieved a dime of it anyway.
Suing the company was a choice we made and each option had good and bad points at the time we had to make this decision, we tried to make the best decision possible with the all the information we had available. Qimonda may not exist anymore by the time our law suit will be finished. We thought Xavier would be able to continue working at Qimonda (best case scenario) during his law suit, however, 3 weeks ago, he was walked out of work with all his personl items confiscated. Now he will be paid until the end of march, then we will go onto unemployment.
As of this past Friday, Qimonda has filed insolvency (chapter 11), so we may be entitled to nothing if the company even exists in the future. On top of that, they will not be paying any bonuses at all that are normally due out in Feb, which is a very large chunk of money. No one is happy about that and I'm not sure how that's legal, but evidently, Qimonda is unable to meet payroll. They are also capping salaries for the next months in existance, which means we will get even less money than Xavier's normal paycheck through the end of March. This is actually much worse than our worse case scenario. We also bought a bunch of Qimonda stock thinking their assets were worth more than the stock price. I would like Qimonda to survive so we don't lose all of our investment. The lowest recent value of Qimonda stock is 5 cents per share...Oops.
Xavier had an interview in Toulon, the south of France on the Mediterranean, but that didn't work out either. We did have a lot of hope riding on that job. He interviewed with 5 people that day, one being the head of his division; a new head of division whom Xavier would have worked directly under and who had started that job one week prior and had a different idea for the direction of that dept than the people who wanted to hire Xavier. This new guy would have been his boss, so it was pure luck that he shot the idea down during that interview. Had we moved the entire family there, Xavier would go through a 6 month trial period, and would have been fired like within a week of starting that job solely due to a change in bosses and his ideas for that dept. Our lives are deeply affected by something as trivial as a change in managers. It's really horrible.
The market is pretty bad right now and a lot of educated people are out there floating around. It's not the best time to be unemployed and it's not the best time to be unemployed and foreign. In times of economic crisis all countries save jobs for their own people. It's only in times of surplus do they give jobs to foreign workers and immigrants. Xavier would do the best in France. However, irregardless of the rest of the world, France seems to have been able to maintain itself in a consistant economic recession of sorts since the Reagan era.
I went to the Arbeitsamt last week to get registered to start looking for work and getting answers. It seems as though I will have a hard time finding a job and am better off being self-employed. I was worried about my German because I don't think it's very good and I never really went to school to improve it. I write how I speak which is not correct. There is a spoken language and a written language. I just don't have enough practice reading and writing German. In all honesty, 2 years ago I would have had a hard time going to the Arbeitsamt in the first place because I wouldn't have been able to understand anything the guy said to me.
Living in Germany is like being a fairly intelligent, cognizant person trapped in a retarded person's body. You react to your environment like a retard because you don't have the verbal skills yet to be intelligable. You cannot understand your immediate surroundings and are completely aware of that fact, yet are helpless to do anything about it. As a result, the people immediately around you treat you as though you are retarded because you are incapable of verbally making anything known of any intelligence. You are intelligent and completely conscious of this, yet uable to do anything about it. You can speak beautiful sentences in English all day long, but if the person you're trying to speak to, (i.e. the vast majority) and they speak little or no English, then to them you might as well be speaking Chinese because they won't understand a word of what you're saying either. I am not one to make tons of hand gestures and believe me, this is a culture that doesn't use hand gestures at all. It is the most reserved culture I've ever lived in in my life. It's like living in a cubby hole and being just a cube inside this box. Everything has it's place and nothing out of place will be tolerated. A few examples:
-You are allowed to laugh, but not too loud.
-children are not allowed to stand on any kind of seats with their shoes on (restaurants, trains, etc) you must take their shoes off. Can you imagine a kid taking their shoes off on the 'L' or on the Amtrak?
-You are allowed to play music in your house as long as the neighbors cannot hear it if the windows are open and you are absolutely NOT allowed to play the radio outside in your yard, even if it's on very low (forget the average american barbecue)
-laying down in the grass and playing with a child is just plain bizarre, and I've never whitnessed it
-no german will sit on the floor directly no matter how clean or on the step of a building, they would rather squat
-kids are allowed to swim in the pool, but not jump off the sides of the pool, splash, or play on the rope dividing the shallow end and the deep end
-A woman has 2 choices in life here, a career, upon which she will be a man for all intents and purposes and even dress like one, or have children, upon which her career comes to a screeching halt because she is expected to stay home and be a housewife, or she can work part-time, but kiss any career advancement good-bye. You cannot even become a mgr if people know you have children, b/c they will hold you being a mother against you. When you apply for jobs, it is tolerated for the interviewer to ask you the ages and number of children you have, and yes they hold this against you. School ends btw 11 AM and 1 PM, so the mother is expected to be home from work by then to cook a hot lunch and help educate the children in their homework, because a child spends more hours doing homework than physically in school
-dogs are allowed, but must be leashed, if they poop, then you better have your poop baggy ready. IF you leave dog poop on the ground, you will be in trouble by EVERYONE
-grocery shopping is preferred to be done without children present. If children must be present, then they are not allowed to be loud, or run around the store, and not allowed to laugh. They will be shooshed by everyone, other customers and employees.
-when you enter someone's home, you must take your shoes off before entering, or right upon the entrance at the door.
-When in someone's home, food is restricted to the kitchen or other designated eating area, if you drop a crumb, pick it up
-children are absolutely NOT allowed to touch the windows or any other glass in someone's home, which is difficult since all the doors are made of glass
-when shutting a glass door to someone's home, meaning the door going to the garden, you must only touch the wooden frame
-children are not allowed to have tempertantrums and throw toys because they can dent the fake wooden parket floors
-children are not allowed to put stones from the driveway onto people's terraces, if they do, you are expected to reprimand them, romove the child from the scene, get your broom handy and start sweeping
-you must take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline in the yard, even when the trampoline is located in your own yard
-you are not allowed to play in the fields of dandelions in the spring because the pollen will stain your clothes
-you are not supposed to sit down on the grass in your yard or anyone else's, even when it's on a blanket. It's just not done. All Germans own expensive patio furniture (except us) because we're the only ones in the village laying on blankets in the front yard.
-you are not allowed to sit in the fields in the village or in any other village, even when the farmer is just growing weeds. I've been yelled at for sitting in the field of wild flowers at the edge of our street with my kids. It's all little girls dreams to roll in a field of wild flowers.
-short shorts are not really worn here. Even when it's 90 degrees people wear pants to the knees
-If you need to wear a bikini in the summer, then you must be laying down sunbathing on your expensive patio furniture, if you need to walk around, then you must put something on over your bathing suit, even in your own yard (everyone can see into our yard)
-however, when you go to the sauna, you must be naked, but must wear specially designed sauna shoes but only up the the outside door of the sauna, then leave the shoes by the door and walk into the sauna barefoot, but you must sit on a towel (there is only 1 sauna for all people together, men and women)
- you can forget about joining your kids on the waterslide and hooting wildly, playing and having fun for an adult is just not done when sober
-adults are only permitted to have fun after drinking a few maß of beer and usually they will be wearing Dirnd'ls and Lederhosen. One Maß is equal to one liter of beer. In other words, adults are only permitted to get loud, laugh and have fun when they are physically located in areas specifically designated for "fun" and only when they are drunk
-you're not allowed to mow your lawn on Sundays or any Holiday
-in some places, you aren't allowed to vaccume inside your own house on a sunday or a holiday (these days are considered ruhe tag)
and the list goes on.....
I don't know any foreigner who is happy here. They mostly seem to be slightly depressed. The ones who are married to Germans, seem to accept their fates with silent resignation. It's like we all have these wonderful glowing spirits, then we come to Germany and our spirits are confined to a box, with thick walls that we are unable to break out of. It's no wonder everyone is depressed.
Something typical happened today, yet I'm still not sure how to deal with this kind of situation. We went to the grocery store and pulled in next to a car in the parking lot, like normal. It was a little tight, but no one meant any harm. Xavier went inside to pick something up with Austin, while I stayed outside with Anais and nursed Nikki in the front seat. An older man came out and had a hard time getting into his car because our cars were parked close together, mind you xavier was perfectly centered in his OWN parking space. This man starts griping at me through my window and yelling at me and glaring at me and staring at me as though I did this on purpose. He didn't ask me to move, he just griped loudly the whole time and griped directly at me. I wasn't sure what he wanted. I'm thinking he didn't expect me to move the car, because doing something nice for another person like that is unheard of in Bavaria and politely asking for someone to move the car is even more unheard of in Bavaria, so my guess is, he wanted me to know he was upset by being aggressive to me, but he didn't actually want to resolve the situation or have any help in the matter. He just wanted to be aggressive in a bizarre kind of passive way. So I looked at him a little, then ignored him, then decided just to stare at him and smile as he backed out while he glared at me. Sometimes I think about trying to politely discuss things with these people, but I have the impression they don't want to learn or understand and certainly don't want to be polite or nice in anyway. They are just miserble and want to gripe and extend their negative energy as far as they can. It's like they exude huge quantities of purely aggressive negative energy. I can honestly say I have never experienced that kind of negative energy in my life before Germany. It really repels me and it happens with a lot of German men. It's like they are dark entities. It kind of makes your skin crawl and you just want to move as far away from these people as possible, but you keep running into them inspite of yourself.
Xavier and I go from being totally stressed out and worried, to being just happy that Xavier is home and we can spend time together. Honestly, I really enjoy spending time with Xavier. We both agree that he has really needed a break for a very long time. In a way everything he has wished for has come true. I really believe everything will be ok. I can feel it, you know? I have this peace inside that tells me, don't worry, keep working at it and be patient. Everything will work itself out. Just try to enjoy the ride being home together as much as you can.
I hope you are all well and that the economic situation hasn't affected too many of you in the states in a negative way. I pray for all of you who have lost their jobs. It's terrible and frustrating and stressful. And it seems to happen to everyone at least once.
I know this sounds like a cliche, but I do feel blessed to be able to share my life with another person. It's hard at times, but it takes so much stress out of life when there is someone standing by your side. I hope Xavier can say the same about me. We went through so much hell coming to Germany. I was pushed to my limits on what I can take, on total isolation and being consciously handicapped. It's been 4 yrs and I still have a hard time even making small talk. The first 2 yrs in Germany was a horror. I had no friends. Not one. I had no one to talk to besides Xavier in the flesh. I couldn't communicate or understand my immediate surroundings. It is very trying to be in that kind of a situation. It isn't fun and it goes way beyond the idea of adventure. Afterall, adventure is supposed to be fun, right? Some people cannot understand the choices we've made. My answer is, "apparently, we like stress."
I hope you are all well. Take care.
Love,
Jennel
Suing the company was a choice we made and each option had good and bad points at the time we had to make this decision, we tried to make the best decision possible with the all the information we had available. Qimonda may not exist anymore by the time our law suit will be finished. We thought Xavier would be able to continue working at Qimonda (best case scenario) during his law suit, however, 3 weeks ago, he was walked out of work with all his personl items confiscated. Now he will be paid until the end of march, then we will go onto unemployment.
As of this past Friday, Qimonda has filed insolvency (chapter 11), so we may be entitled to nothing if the company even exists in the future. On top of that, they will not be paying any bonuses at all that are normally due out in Feb, which is a very large chunk of money. No one is happy about that and I'm not sure how that's legal, but evidently, Qimonda is unable to meet payroll. They are also capping salaries for the next months in existance, which means we will get even less money than Xavier's normal paycheck through the end of March. This is actually much worse than our worse case scenario. We also bought a bunch of Qimonda stock thinking their assets were worth more than the stock price. I would like Qimonda to survive so we don't lose all of our investment. The lowest recent value of Qimonda stock is 5 cents per share...Oops.
Xavier had an interview in Toulon, the south of France on the Mediterranean, but that didn't work out either. We did have a lot of hope riding on that job. He interviewed with 5 people that day, one being the head of his division; a new head of division whom Xavier would have worked directly under and who had started that job one week prior and had a different idea for the direction of that dept than the people who wanted to hire Xavier. This new guy would have been his boss, so it was pure luck that he shot the idea down during that interview. Had we moved the entire family there, Xavier would go through a 6 month trial period, and would have been fired like within a week of starting that job solely due to a change in bosses and his ideas for that dept. Our lives are deeply affected by something as trivial as a change in managers. It's really horrible.
The market is pretty bad right now and a lot of educated people are out there floating around. It's not the best time to be unemployed and it's not the best time to be unemployed and foreign. In times of economic crisis all countries save jobs for their own people. It's only in times of surplus do they give jobs to foreign workers and immigrants. Xavier would do the best in France. However, irregardless of the rest of the world, France seems to have been able to maintain itself in a consistant economic recession of sorts since the Reagan era.
I went to the Arbeitsamt last week to get registered to start looking for work and getting answers. It seems as though I will have a hard time finding a job and am better off being self-employed. I was worried about my German because I don't think it's very good and I never really went to school to improve it. I write how I speak which is not correct. There is a spoken language and a written language. I just don't have enough practice reading and writing German. In all honesty, 2 years ago I would have had a hard time going to the Arbeitsamt in the first place because I wouldn't have been able to understand anything the guy said to me.
Living in Germany is like being a fairly intelligent, cognizant person trapped in a retarded person's body. You react to your environment like a retard because you don't have the verbal skills yet to be intelligable. You cannot understand your immediate surroundings and are completely aware of that fact, yet are helpless to do anything about it. As a result, the people immediately around you treat you as though you are retarded because you are incapable of verbally making anything known of any intelligence. You are intelligent and completely conscious of this, yet uable to do anything about it. You can speak beautiful sentences in English all day long, but if the person you're trying to speak to, (i.e. the vast majority) and they speak little or no English, then to them you might as well be speaking Chinese because they won't understand a word of what you're saying either. I am not one to make tons of hand gestures and believe me, this is a culture that doesn't use hand gestures at all. It is the most reserved culture I've ever lived in in my life. It's like living in a cubby hole and being just a cube inside this box. Everything has it's place and nothing out of place will be tolerated. A few examples:
-You are allowed to laugh, but not too loud.
-children are not allowed to stand on any kind of seats with their shoes on (restaurants, trains, etc) you must take their shoes off. Can you imagine a kid taking their shoes off on the 'L' or on the Amtrak?
-You are allowed to play music in your house as long as the neighbors cannot hear it if the windows are open and you are absolutely NOT allowed to play the radio outside in your yard, even if it's on very low (forget the average american barbecue)
-laying down in the grass and playing with a child is just plain bizarre, and I've never whitnessed it
-no german will sit on the floor directly no matter how clean or on the step of a building, they would rather squat
-kids are allowed to swim in the pool, but not jump off the sides of the pool, splash, or play on the rope dividing the shallow end and the deep end
-A woman has 2 choices in life here, a career, upon which she will be a man for all intents and purposes and even dress like one, or have children, upon which her career comes to a screeching halt because she is expected to stay home and be a housewife, or she can work part-time, but kiss any career advancement good-bye. You cannot even become a mgr if people know you have children, b/c they will hold you being a mother against you. When you apply for jobs, it is tolerated for the interviewer to ask you the ages and number of children you have, and yes they hold this against you. School ends btw 11 AM and 1 PM, so the mother is expected to be home from work by then to cook a hot lunch and help educate the children in their homework, because a child spends more hours doing homework than physically in school
-dogs are allowed, but must be leashed, if they poop, then you better have your poop baggy ready. IF you leave dog poop on the ground, you will be in trouble by EVERYONE
-grocery shopping is preferred to be done without children present. If children must be present, then they are not allowed to be loud, or run around the store, and not allowed to laugh. They will be shooshed by everyone, other customers and employees.
-when you enter someone's home, you must take your shoes off before entering, or right upon the entrance at the door.
-When in someone's home, food is restricted to the kitchen or other designated eating area, if you drop a crumb, pick it up
-children are absolutely NOT allowed to touch the windows or any other glass in someone's home, which is difficult since all the doors are made of glass
-when shutting a glass door to someone's home, meaning the door going to the garden, you must only touch the wooden frame
-children are not allowed to have tempertantrums and throw toys because they can dent the fake wooden parket floors
-children are not allowed to put stones from the driveway onto people's terraces, if they do, you are expected to reprimand them, romove the child from the scene, get your broom handy and start sweeping
-you must take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline in the yard, even when the trampoline is located in your own yard
-you are not allowed to play in the fields of dandelions in the spring because the pollen will stain your clothes
-you are not supposed to sit down on the grass in your yard or anyone else's, even when it's on a blanket. It's just not done. All Germans own expensive patio furniture (except us) because we're the only ones in the village laying on blankets in the front yard.
-you are not allowed to sit in the fields in the village or in any other village, even when the farmer is just growing weeds. I've been yelled at for sitting in the field of wild flowers at the edge of our street with my kids. It's all little girls dreams to roll in a field of wild flowers.
-short shorts are not really worn here. Even when it's 90 degrees people wear pants to the knees
-If you need to wear a bikini in the summer, then you must be laying down sunbathing on your expensive patio furniture, if you need to walk around, then you must put something on over your bathing suit, even in your own yard (everyone can see into our yard)
-however, when you go to the sauna, you must be naked, but must wear specially designed sauna shoes but only up the the outside door of the sauna, then leave the shoes by the door and walk into the sauna barefoot, but you must sit on a towel (there is only 1 sauna for all people together, men and women)
- you can forget about joining your kids on the waterslide and hooting wildly, playing and having fun for an adult is just not done when sober
-adults are only permitted to have fun after drinking a few maß of beer and usually they will be wearing Dirnd'ls and Lederhosen. One Maß is equal to one liter of beer. In other words, adults are only permitted to get loud, laugh and have fun when they are physically located in areas specifically designated for "fun" and only when they are drunk
-you're not allowed to mow your lawn on Sundays or any Holiday
-in some places, you aren't allowed to vaccume inside your own house on a sunday or a holiday (these days are considered ruhe tag)
and the list goes on.....
I don't know any foreigner who is happy here. They mostly seem to be slightly depressed. The ones who are married to Germans, seem to accept their fates with silent resignation. It's like we all have these wonderful glowing spirits, then we come to Germany and our spirits are confined to a box, with thick walls that we are unable to break out of. It's no wonder everyone is depressed.
Something typical happened today, yet I'm still not sure how to deal with this kind of situation. We went to the grocery store and pulled in next to a car in the parking lot, like normal. It was a little tight, but no one meant any harm. Xavier went inside to pick something up with Austin, while I stayed outside with Anais and nursed Nikki in the front seat. An older man came out and had a hard time getting into his car because our cars were parked close together, mind you xavier was perfectly centered in his OWN parking space. This man starts griping at me through my window and yelling at me and glaring at me and staring at me as though I did this on purpose. He didn't ask me to move, he just griped loudly the whole time and griped directly at me. I wasn't sure what he wanted. I'm thinking he didn't expect me to move the car, because doing something nice for another person like that is unheard of in Bavaria and politely asking for someone to move the car is even more unheard of in Bavaria, so my guess is, he wanted me to know he was upset by being aggressive to me, but he didn't actually want to resolve the situation or have any help in the matter. He just wanted to be aggressive in a bizarre kind of passive way. So I looked at him a little, then ignored him, then decided just to stare at him and smile as he backed out while he glared at me. Sometimes I think about trying to politely discuss things with these people, but I have the impression they don't want to learn or understand and certainly don't want to be polite or nice in anyway. They are just miserble and want to gripe and extend their negative energy as far as they can. It's like they exude huge quantities of purely aggressive negative energy. I can honestly say I have never experienced that kind of negative energy in my life before Germany. It really repels me and it happens with a lot of German men. It's like they are dark entities. It kind of makes your skin crawl and you just want to move as far away from these people as possible, but you keep running into them inspite of yourself.
Xavier and I go from being totally stressed out and worried, to being just happy that Xavier is home and we can spend time together. Honestly, I really enjoy spending time with Xavier. We both agree that he has really needed a break for a very long time. In a way everything he has wished for has come true. I really believe everything will be ok. I can feel it, you know? I have this peace inside that tells me, don't worry, keep working at it and be patient. Everything will work itself out. Just try to enjoy the ride being home together as much as you can.
I hope you are all well and that the economic situation hasn't affected too many of you in the states in a negative way. I pray for all of you who have lost their jobs. It's terrible and frustrating and stressful. And it seems to happen to everyone at least once.
I know this sounds like a cliche, but I do feel blessed to be able to share my life with another person. It's hard at times, but it takes so much stress out of life when there is someone standing by your side. I hope Xavier can say the same about me. We went through so much hell coming to Germany. I was pushed to my limits on what I can take, on total isolation and being consciously handicapped. It's been 4 yrs and I still have a hard time even making small talk. The first 2 yrs in Germany was a horror. I had no friends. Not one. I had no one to talk to besides Xavier in the flesh. I couldn't communicate or understand my immediate surroundings. It is very trying to be in that kind of a situation. It isn't fun and it goes way beyond the idea of adventure. Afterall, adventure is supposed to be fun, right? Some people cannot understand the choices we've made. My answer is, "apparently, we like stress."
I hope you are all well. Take care.
Love,
Jennel
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