We may be moving.
Xavier has found a job in the south of france. we're still waiting on the contract, but they want him to start working in 1 week. we've been interviewing moving companies, so this is feeling quite real. I told the children there is a good chance we'll move to france soon. they didn't seem to care either way. anais didn't want to be separated from me. she said "but i need you." I told her we would stay together as a family. I've already agreed to work here in munich for the last week in may and the first 2 weeks in june (holiday called pfingston) so now i have to find a tagesmutter to take care of the kids since there is a good chance i will be alone.
until we sign a contract, i will continue as though we are staying here in germany and we are living on unemployment. we have to give 3 mos notice for our house rental here in munich, which means we ought to at least give notice may 1.
when moves go, they go fast. when we left texas, it took maybe 3 weeks from the day we signed the contract to being on the plane. it was fast and you are never prepared. this time my friendships aren't that deep in germany considering i've been here for 4,5 yrs.
at least now i know what to expect regarding moving with children, the conplications with language, so and and so forth. i need to get a work permit in france. we will do that straight away. i think france is better set up for women to work. it might be easier, plus everyone works so i would be alone by myself anyway. it's hard to move. i have a better idea as to what i want to do now though, so that's already something, not just trying to survive the day. anais will need a lot of help with school and we won'T be able to move again now or at least remain in english or french languges regarding school for the kids. i wouldn't mind after a few yrs taking a sabatical from france and going for a few years in india or something like that. that would be interesting.
our next goal is to become stable and no matter what happens settle in the south of france. we opened a savings account last yr to buy a house in france. that will mature in 2 yrs. these accounts secure a low interest rate when you buy. we need to rent for 2 yrs and give us a chance to visit the area and see where we want to settle. i think we're following my friend barbara'S path. they are german and lived in CA for about 7 yrs. her husband wanted to stay in CA but Barbara was home sick. her husband found a job in Zurich. they thought Europe is Europe so it shouldn't be a big deal. they lived in a village and had trouble integrating and they realized that Zurich is not Germany, so after about 3 yrs they moved again, this time back to munich. they decided not to live in a village because though spacious and calm, there is a lack of infrastructure, so they decided to go to a town and build a house. we went from suburbia usa, to city dresden, to village munich and i suspect we will end up in town in france and buy a place. we cannot buy here because 1. cost, but mostly because when we move again, we don't have a good enough command of german to be able to write contracts and rent it out. i don't feel comfortable doing that. plus your mortgage is 2X what you can receive in rent so financially it doesn't make any sense. here there is no tax rebate on owning a house, just a lot of money out of our pocket. everyone becomes house poor when they own. we have to learn about the tax benefits in france. i guess they have some new laws now that give tax benefits.
first of course is wait for the contract. in the meantime, anais is set up to go to school here locally in the fall. she will be going to Dietramszell. she only knows 1 person there so moving to france won't be such a great upset. she will have a hard time at first in france because she is very far behind in french and the german kindergarten is behind france in education. kids in france start learning in kindergarten, while in germany they only learn to count to maybe 10 or 20. french kids already learn letters and cursive in kindergarten, so anais will be behind on top of the language difficulty. I work with her on the alphabet, but she seems to learn better in school. i'll put the kids in speech therapy again in france. i have a lot of papers to update here like passports before we leave. still haven't done it.
austin had his 4th birthday yesterday by the way. we had a party. i asked him who he would like to invite from school and they were all girls. so i invited them plus a few boys. i think he had a good time.
we do have friends here, just like we did in TX, but i know we'll make more friends in france as well. it's just hard to keep up. my friendships haven't been that deep here because of the language barrier. mind you a german speaking english is the same as me speaking german, our conversations are limited to our vocabulary. expressing complicated thoughts requires a richness of vocabulary so conversations are always limited. it can be frustrating. sometimes its also personalities that you just can't get deep or thoughts out of people. my neighbor is lovely and british, but i can't get anything deeper than surface conversation out of her. i've known her for 3 yrs and i don't think she's ever expressed much of an opinion on anything. it's a little frustrating.
i have some photos to share so i'll post them if i can figure it out. i hope you're all okay and i'll let you know what's going on here. not sure when xavier will start his new job. the company wants him to start may 11 or the 18th, but we have no contract yet and no place to live in france, so i think they're a little confused about reality. we will need to go and look at the area as well. this time we have to take all 3 kids with us. it will be difficult. we can't ask my mother in law to come and watch the kids alone, it's too much for her to handle being alone in Germany. And my father in law cannot help her anymore. I need to visit schools and see if we can get the kids into the free int'l school in Manosque. i need to make a home now. no more transition lifestyle. i want my own place with a little garden. i think it is much sunnier in the south of france than here and the kids keep asking to go to the beach. the nearest beach here is Italy. if i ever lived in france i would want to live either in the south, massif centrale, or les landes. so it's good.
will let you know more about news when something develops. I will also write a blurb on Germany, but only positive things. I've had a bit of criticism that my blogs about Germany are supremely negative. I don't mean for that to happen. there are many good and positive things here. I'll give examples. I think so far, I've given an entirely unfairly negative view point about germany, so i will be more fair. talk to you again soon.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Germany News March 2009
Hello everyone, I hope you are all well and that the economy in the states isn't hitting you too hard, for those of you living there. For those of you living outside the states I know there is an economic recession hitting all over Europe as well, so I hope you are not getting hit too hard especially if you are an expat. It seems the expats are some of the first to get laid off.
Firstly, the kids are all good. Nikki is 9 mos now and has 2 teeth. Anais will start 1st grade in the fall. Getting her into school in Holzkirchen looks like a no-go, so she will probably have to go to school in Dietramszell, the local village school. She will have an in-school prufung to see if they think she's ready to attend. She already had an exam by the speech therapist who said that Anais is more or less ready for school. Her German is still coming along. The teachers say she has no accent. She is starting to correct my pronunciation, which I do need help in. Austin is flying along in German. I think he might be gifted in terms of languages, or perhaps just gifted in general. The speech therapist said he has the same German capacity as that of a normal German 3 yr old. The difference is he's been in school only for 7 mos.
We are still very unstable and not sure where we are going next. Xavier has been laid off. We received no bonus this yr and salary will officially end in 1 week. He looked for jobs with companies for awhile to no avail. He had a job interview in the south of france which went nowhere. He is setting himself up to become self-employed and getting his company ready. Yesterday, Xavier got contacted by a company located in Aix-en-Provence (south france) for a job and he will be flying there wed and staying for a week. This one looks very promising. It will start mid-April if it does happen, but he will take a pay cut, but it will still be much higher than unemployment, which will not suffice for our basic needs.
I have been looking for jobs here in Germany and have had 2 interviews so far. Both interviews have passed with flying colors. However, they are both for free lance work and will not bring too many hours. But at least, if I can work, I know it will help us eat. I will be teaching English and perhaps French as well. The jobs are with 2 different companies, both private foreign language schools. I have a wonderful niche here having English as a mother tongue. I've been teaching the english class at the kid's kindergarten for the past 2 yrs now and I feel very confident with my capacity for teaching 5 yr olds and have taught a little private English for adults. I really want to teach business English because that's where the money is and that's where I lack experience. My last interview was today and I offered to teach French as well. The owner was hesitent because I had only studied French. Then we started speaking in French. Yes, she is German who is fluent in English and French. Well, after that conversation, she's got me on the list to teach French as well. She told me I have no accent in French. I said, "you're very kind." So in perparation for today's interview I bought my very first suit this week. I got it used and it still smells like someone's basement, but it fits. All my business clothes are hand-me downs from highschool. I think it's time I invested a little in updating my wardrobe, even if it's from second hand stores. My body has changed a lot after having kids (mostly for the worse), so my clothes don't fit right anymore. I hope to start working soon. Xavier just might get this job in France, who knows. No matter what happens, I plan on having the kids finish this school yr. I'm not going to get my hopes up for this south of France job, though I wouldn't mind living in France. I plan on going back to work no matter where I am. I love my kids, but I need to have other activities outside of them. Anais' kindergarten is also giving us foreign mom's a German course for 10 weeks. I went to the first one wed. I enjoyed it. Half the women are from Turkey, 1 from India, 1 from Italy, 1 from Croatia. 1/2 speak German well. The other 1/2 hardly speak German at all. I'm actually in the half that speak well, but I totally identify with those who can't speak. That was my life 4 yrs ago and it's horrible. There is no worse feeling than not being able to function within your immediate environment. You are really handicapped and only a lot of time and some work will get you past it. It always takes more time than you want. It is very frustrating. I am finally at the level where I can make small talk with other moms. I have found that I am relatively well known, considering I spoke so little with people in our area. There is something important to having contacts here. Everyone knows everyone else and when you are tri-lingual American, you do stand out, for the better. I think it will help when I try to get work, especially if I work for myself in the area. The more contact I'm getting with the locals, the better off I feel. It's odd, but there is immediate results to networking here.
I suspect we will have much more good news to come shortly. We shall see. Or starvation.... : )
I have learned some things in Germany. I've learned the true meaning of competence. The entire country is competent. When a German says they will do something, they do it. If you make plans next week on Wed, expect them at your door at the exact time discussed. They have complete follow through with work, even if you need something from someone who is absent. Their collegue can leave them a little sticky note and my God it will actually get done. There is a total pride in everything and things are done to the utmost perfection. Homes are kept up with orderly and cleaness (ok, mine aspires to that but still has a long way to go). It has had a positive effect on me. There are things I've tried to adapt to myself, things that I feel I lack that I want to be, like competent and reliable and perhaps to a lesser degree, keeping a perfectly tidy house.
So that's the news for now. I have to say, I'm feeling very good about myself and very positive and I haven't felt this way in a long time. This unfortunate situation of Xavier's has really afforded me new possibilities for the first time, especially in terms of working. Xavier can watch the kids and help when I have interviews. I didn't have that luxury before. I was totally on my own without knowing a baby-sitter. It's a totally different situation when your man is available to help you, and there is no greater motivation than when you're facing imminent starvation. : )
I hope you are well and I give all of you my love.
Firstly, the kids are all good. Nikki is 9 mos now and has 2 teeth. Anais will start 1st grade in the fall. Getting her into school in Holzkirchen looks like a no-go, so she will probably have to go to school in Dietramszell, the local village school. She will have an in-school prufung to see if they think she's ready to attend. She already had an exam by the speech therapist who said that Anais is more or less ready for school. Her German is still coming along. The teachers say she has no accent. She is starting to correct my pronunciation, which I do need help in. Austin is flying along in German. I think he might be gifted in terms of languages, or perhaps just gifted in general. The speech therapist said he has the same German capacity as that of a normal German 3 yr old. The difference is he's been in school only for 7 mos.
We are still very unstable and not sure where we are going next. Xavier has been laid off. We received no bonus this yr and salary will officially end in 1 week. He looked for jobs with companies for awhile to no avail. He had a job interview in the south of france which went nowhere. He is setting himself up to become self-employed and getting his company ready. Yesterday, Xavier got contacted by a company located in Aix-en-Provence (south france) for a job and he will be flying there wed and staying for a week. This one looks very promising. It will start mid-April if it does happen, but he will take a pay cut, but it will still be much higher than unemployment, which will not suffice for our basic needs.
I have been looking for jobs here in Germany and have had 2 interviews so far. Both interviews have passed with flying colors. However, they are both for free lance work and will not bring too many hours. But at least, if I can work, I know it will help us eat. I will be teaching English and perhaps French as well. The jobs are with 2 different companies, both private foreign language schools. I have a wonderful niche here having English as a mother tongue. I've been teaching the english class at the kid's kindergarten for the past 2 yrs now and I feel very confident with my capacity for teaching 5 yr olds and have taught a little private English for adults. I really want to teach business English because that's where the money is and that's where I lack experience. My last interview was today and I offered to teach French as well. The owner was hesitent because I had only studied French. Then we started speaking in French. Yes, she is German who is fluent in English and French. Well, after that conversation, she's got me on the list to teach French as well. She told me I have no accent in French. I said, "you're very kind." So in perparation for today's interview I bought my very first suit this week. I got it used and it still smells like someone's basement, but it fits. All my business clothes are hand-me downs from highschool. I think it's time I invested a little in updating my wardrobe, even if it's from second hand stores. My body has changed a lot after having kids (mostly for the worse), so my clothes don't fit right anymore. I hope to start working soon. Xavier just might get this job in France, who knows. No matter what happens, I plan on having the kids finish this school yr. I'm not going to get my hopes up for this south of France job, though I wouldn't mind living in France. I plan on going back to work no matter where I am. I love my kids, but I need to have other activities outside of them. Anais' kindergarten is also giving us foreign mom's a German course for 10 weeks. I went to the first one wed. I enjoyed it. Half the women are from Turkey, 1 from India, 1 from Italy, 1 from Croatia. 1/2 speak German well. The other 1/2 hardly speak German at all. I'm actually in the half that speak well, but I totally identify with those who can't speak. That was my life 4 yrs ago and it's horrible. There is no worse feeling than not being able to function within your immediate environment. You are really handicapped and only a lot of time and some work will get you past it. It always takes more time than you want. It is very frustrating. I am finally at the level where I can make small talk with other moms. I have found that I am relatively well known, considering I spoke so little with people in our area. There is something important to having contacts here. Everyone knows everyone else and when you are tri-lingual American, you do stand out, for the better. I think it will help when I try to get work, especially if I work for myself in the area. The more contact I'm getting with the locals, the better off I feel. It's odd, but there is immediate results to networking here.
I suspect we will have much more good news to come shortly. We shall see. Or starvation.... : )
I have learned some things in Germany. I've learned the true meaning of competence. The entire country is competent. When a German says they will do something, they do it. If you make plans next week on Wed, expect them at your door at the exact time discussed. They have complete follow through with work, even if you need something from someone who is absent. Their collegue can leave them a little sticky note and my God it will actually get done. There is a total pride in everything and things are done to the utmost perfection. Homes are kept up with orderly and cleaness (ok, mine aspires to that but still has a long way to go). It has had a positive effect on me. There are things I've tried to adapt to myself, things that I feel I lack that I want to be, like competent and reliable and perhaps to a lesser degree, keeping a perfectly tidy house.
So that's the news for now. I have to say, I'm feeling very good about myself and very positive and I haven't felt this way in a long time. This unfortunate situation of Xavier's has really afforded me new possibilities for the first time, especially in terms of working. Xavier can watch the kids and help when I have interviews. I didn't have that luxury before. I was totally on my own without knowing a baby-sitter. It's a totally different situation when your man is available to help you, and there is no greater motivation than when you're facing imminent starvation. : )
I hope you are well and I give all of you my love.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Pouchain Family News Jan 2009
Well the outlook is not so good for us currently. Xavier is suing his company. He did not take the severance package because if he had, he would not be able to sue the company. And as we are finding out this week, if he had taken the severance package, he wouldn't have recieved a dime of it anyway.
Suing the company was a choice we made and each option had good and bad points at the time we had to make this decision, we tried to make the best decision possible with the all the information we had available. Qimonda may not exist anymore by the time our law suit will be finished. We thought Xavier would be able to continue working at Qimonda (best case scenario) during his law suit, however, 3 weeks ago, he was walked out of work with all his personl items confiscated. Now he will be paid until the end of march, then we will go onto unemployment.
As of this past Friday, Qimonda has filed insolvency (chapter 11), so we may be entitled to nothing if the company even exists in the future. On top of that, they will not be paying any bonuses at all that are normally due out in Feb, which is a very large chunk of money. No one is happy about that and I'm not sure how that's legal, but evidently, Qimonda is unable to meet payroll. They are also capping salaries for the next months in existance, which means we will get even less money than Xavier's normal paycheck through the end of March. This is actually much worse than our worse case scenario. We also bought a bunch of Qimonda stock thinking their assets were worth more than the stock price. I would like Qimonda to survive so we don't lose all of our investment. The lowest recent value of Qimonda stock is 5 cents per share...Oops.
Xavier had an interview in Toulon, the south of France on the Mediterranean, but that didn't work out either. We did have a lot of hope riding on that job. He interviewed with 5 people that day, one being the head of his division; a new head of division whom Xavier would have worked directly under and who had started that job one week prior and had a different idea for the direction of that dept than the people who wanted to hire Xavier. This new guy would have been his boss, so it was pure luck that he shot the idea down during that interview. Had we moved the entire family there, Xavier would go through a 6 month trial period, and would have been fired like within a week of starting that job solely due to a change in bosses and his ideas for that dept. Our lives are deeply affected by something as trivial as a change in managers. It's really horrible.
The market is pretty bad right now and a lot of educated people are out there floating around. It's not the best time to be unemployed and it's not the best time to be unemployed and foreign. In times of economic crisis all countries save jobs for their own people. It's only in times of surplus do they give jobs to foreign workers and immigrants. Xavier would do the best in France. However, irregardless of the rest of the world, France seems to have been able to maintain itself in a consistant economic recession of sorts since the Reagan era.
I went to the Arbeitsamt last week to get registered to start looking for work and getting answers. It seems as though I will have a hard time finding a job and am better off being self-employed. I was worried about my German because I don't think it's very good and I never really went to school to improve it. I write how I speak which is not correct. There is a spoken language and a written language. I just don't have enough practice reading and writing German. In all honesty, 2 years ago I would have had a hard time going to the Arbeitsamt in the first place because I wouldn't have been able to understand anything the guy said to me.
Living in Germany is like being a fairly intelligent, cognizant person trapped in a retarded person's body. You react to your environment like a retard because you don't have the verbal skills yet to be intelligable. You cannot understand your immediate surroundings and are completely aware of that fact, yet are helpless to do anything about it. As a result, the people immediately around you treat you as though you are retarded because you are incapable of verbally making anything known of any intelligence. You are intelligent and completely conscious of this, yet uable to do anything about it. You can speak beautiful sentences in English all day long, but if the person you're trying to speak to, (i.e. the vast majority) and they speak little or no English, then to them you might as well be speaking Chinese because they won't understand a word of what you're saying either. I am not one to make tons of hand gestures and believe me, this is a culture that doesn't use hand gestures at all. It is the most reserved culture I've ever lived in in my life. It's like living in a cubby hole and being just a cube inside this box. Everything has it's place and nothing out of place will be tolerated. A few examples:
-You are allowed to laugh, but not too loud.
-children are not allowed to stand on any kind of seats with their shoes on (restaurants, trains, etc) you must take their shoes off. Can you imagine a kid taking their shoes off on the 'L' or on the Amtrak?
-You are allowed to play music in your house as long as the neighbors cannot hear it if the windows are open and you are absolutely NOT allowed to play the radio outside in your yard, even if it's on very low (forget the average american barbecue)
-laying down in the grass and playing with a child is just plain bizarre, and I've never whitnessed it
-no german will sit on the floor directly no matter how clean or on the step of a building, they would rather squat
-kids are allowed to swim in the pool, but not jump off the sides of the pool, splash, or play on the rope dividing the shallow end and the deep end
-A woman has 2 choices in life here, a career, upon which she will be a man for all intents and purposes and even dress like one, or have children, upon which her career comes to a screeching halt because she is expected to stay home and be a housewife, or she can work part-time, but kiss any career advancement good-bye. You cannot even become a mgr if people know you have children, b/c they will hold you being a mother against you. When you apply for jobs, it is tolerated for the interviewer to ask you the ages and number of children you have, and yes they hold this against you. School ends btw 11 AM and 1 PM, so the mother is expected to be home from work by then to cook a hot lunch and help educate the children in their homework, because a child spends more hours doing homework than physically in school
-dogs are allowed, but must be leashed, if they poop, then you better have your poop baggy ready. IF you leave dog poop on the ground, you will be in trouble by EVERYONE
-grocery shopping is preferred to be done without children present. If children must be present, then they are not allowed to be loud, or run around the store, and not allowed to laugh. They will be shooshed by everyone, other customers and employees.
-when you enter someone's home, you must take your shoes off before entering, or right upon the entrance at the door.
-When in someone's home, food is restricted to the kitchen or other designated eating area, if you drop a crumb, pick it up
-children are absolutely NOT allowed to touch the windows or any other glass in someone's home, which is difficult since all the doors are made of glass
-when shutting a glass door to someone's home, meaning the door going to the garden, you must only touch the wooden frame
-children are not allowed to have tempertantrums and throw toys because they can dent the fake wooden parket floors
-children are not allowed to put stones from the driveway onto people's terraces, if they do, you are expected to reprimand them, romove the child from the scene, get your broom handy and start sweeping
-you must take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline in the yard, even when the trampoline is located in your own yard
-you are not allowed to play in the fields of dandelions in the spring because the pollen will stain your clothes
-you are not supposed to sit down on the grass in your yard or anyone else's, even when it's on a blanket. It's just not done. All Germans own expensive patio furniture (except us) because we're the only ones in the village laying on blankets in the front yard.
-you are not allowed to sit in the fields in the village or in any other village, even when the farmer is just growing weeds. I've been yelled at for sitting in the field of wild flowers at the edge of our street with my kids. It's all little girls dreams to roll in a field of wild flowers.
-short shorts are not really worn here. Even when it's 90 degrees people wear pants to the knees
-If you need to wear a bikini in the summer, then you must be laying down sunbathing on your expensive patio furniture, if you need to walk around, then you must put something on over your bathing suit, even in your own yard (everyone can see into our yard)
-however, when you go to the sauna, you must be naked, but must wear specially designed sauna shoes but only up the the outside door of the sauna, then leave the shoes by the door and walk into the sauna barefoot, but you must sit on a towel (there is only 1 sauna for all people together, men and women)
- you can forget about joining your kids on the waterslide and hooting wildly, playing and having fun for an adult is just not done when sober
-adults are only permitted to have fun after drinking a few maß of beer and usually they will be wearing Dirnd'ls and Lederhosen. One Maß is equal to one liter of beer. In other words, adults are only permitted to get loud, laugh and have fun when they are physically located in areas specifically designated for "fun" and only when they are drunk
-you're not allowed to mow your lawn on Sundays or any Holiday
-in some places, you aren't allowed to vaccume inside your own house on a sunday or a holiday (these days are considered ruhe tag)
and the list goes on.....
I don't know any foreigner who is happy here. They mostly seem to be slightly depressed. The ones who are married to Germans, seem to accept their fates with silent resignation. It's like we all have these wonderful glowing spirits, then we come to Germany and our spirits are confined to a box, with thick walls that we are unable to break out of. It's no wonder everyone is depressed.
Something typical happened today, yet I'm still not sure how to deal with this kind of situation. We went to the grocery store and pulled in next to a car in the parking lot, like normal. It was a little tight, but no one meant any harm. Xavier went inside to pick something up with Austin, while I stayed outside with Anais and nursed Nikki in the front seat. An older man came out and had a hard time getting into his car because our cars were parked close together, mind you xavier was perfectly centered in his OWN parking space. This man starts griping at me through my window and yelling at me and glaring at me and staring at me as though I did this on purpose. He didn't ask me to move, he just griped loudly the whole time and griped directly at me. I wasn't sure what he wanted. I'm thinking he didn't expect me to move the car, because doing something nice for another person like that is unheard of in Bavaria and politely asking for someone to move the car is even more unheard of in Bavaria, so my guess is, he wanted me to know he was upset by being aggressive to me, but he didn't actually want to resolve the situation or have any help in the matter. He just wanted to be aggressive in a bizarre kind of passive way. So I looked at him a little, then ignored him, then decided just to stare at him and smile as he backed out while he glared at me. Sometimes I think about trying to politely discuss things with these people, but I have the impression they don't want to learn or understand and certainly don't want to be polite or nice in anyway. They are just miserble and want to gripe and extend their negative energy as far as they can. It's like they exude huge quantities of purely aggressive negative energy. I can honestly say I have never experienced that kind of negative energy in my life before Germany. It really repels me and it happens with a lot of German men. It's like they are dark entities. It kind of makes your skin crawl and you just want to move as far away from these people as possible, but you keep running into them inspite of yourself.
Xavier and I go from being totally stressed out and worried, to being just happy that Xavier is home and we can spend time together. Honestly, I really enjoy spending time with Xavier. We both agree that he has really needed a break for a very long time. In a way everything he has wished for has come true. I really believe everything will be ok. I can feel it, you know? I have this peace inside that tells me, don't worry, keep working at it and be patient. Everything will work itself out. Just try to enjoy the ride being home together as much as you can.
I hope you are all well and that the economic situation hasn't affected too many of you in the states in a negative way. I pray for all of you who have lost their jobs. It's terrible and frustrating and stressful. And it seems to happen to everyone at least once.
I know this sounds like a cliche, but I do feel blessed to be able to share my life with another person. It's hard at times, but it takes so much stress out of life when there is someone standing by your side. I hope Xavier can say the same about me. We went through so much hell coming to Germany. I was pushed to my limits on what I can take, on total isolation and being consciously handicapped. It's been 4 yrs and I still have a hard time even making small talk. The first 2 yrs in Germany was a horror. I had no friends. Not one. I had no one to talk to besides Xavier in the flesh. I couldn't communicate or understand my immediate surroundings. It is very trying to be in that kind of a situation. It isn't fun and it goes way beyond the idea of adventure. Afterall, adventure is supposed to be fun, right? Some people cannot understand the choices we've made. My answer is, "apparently, we like stress."
I hope you are all well. Take care.
Love,
Jennel
Suing the company was a choice we made and each option had good and bad points at the time we had to make this decision, we tried to make the best decision possible with the all the information we had available. Qimonda may not exist anymore by the time our law suit will be finished. We thought Xavier would be able to continue working at Qimonda (best case scenario) during his law suit, however, 3 weeks ago, he was walked out of work with all his personl items confiscated. Now he will be paid until the end of march, then we will go onto unemployment.
As of this past Friday, Qimonda has filed insolvency (chapter 11), so we may be entitled to nothing if the company even exists in the future. On top of that, they will not be paying any bonuses at all that are normally due out in Feb, which is a very large chunk of money. No one is happy about that and I'm not sure how that's legal, but evidently, Qimonda is unable to meet payroll. They are also capping salaries for the next months in existance, which means we will get even less money than Xavier's normal paycheck through the end of March. This is actually much worse than our worse case scenario. We also bought a bunch of Qimonda stock thinking their assets were worth more than the stock price. I would like Qimonda to survive so we don't lose all of our investment. The lowest recent value of Qimonda stock is 5 cents per share...Oops.
Xavier had an interview in Toulon, the south of France on the Mediterranean, but that didn't work out either. We did have a lot of hope riding on that job. He interviewed with 5 people that day, one being the head of his division; a new head of division whom Xavier would have worked directly under and who had started that job one week prior and had a different idea for the direction of that dept than the people who wanted to hire Xavier. This new guy would have been his boss, so it was pure luck that he shot the idea down during that interview. Had we moved the entire family there, Xavier would go through a 6 month trial period, and would have been fired like within a week of starting that job solely due to a change in bosses and his ideas for that dept. Our lives are deeply affected by something as trivial as a change in managers. It's really horrible.
The market is pretty bad right now and a lot of educated people are out there floating around. It's not the best time to be unemployed and it's not the best time to be unemployed and foreign. In times of economic crisis all countries save jobs for their own people. It's only in times of surplus do they give jobs to foreign workers and immigrants. Xavier would do the best in France. However, irregardless of the rest of the world, France seems to have been able to maintain itself in a consistant economic recession of sorts since the Reagan era.
I went to the Arbeitsamt last week to get registered to start looking for work and getting answers. It seems as though I will have a hard time finding a job and am better off being self-employed. I was worried about my German because I don't think it's very good and I never really went to school to improve it. I write how I speak which is not correct. There is a spoken language and a written language. I just don't have enough practice reading and writing German. In all honesty, 2 years ago I would have had a hard time going to the Arbeitsamt in the first place because I wouldn't have been able to understand anything the guy said to me.
Living in Germany is like being a fairly intelligent, cognizant person trapped in a retarded person's body. You react to your environment like a retard because you don't have the verbal skills yet to be intelligable. You cannot understand your immediate surroundings and are completely aware of that fact, yet are helpless to do anything about it. As a result, the people immediately around you treat you as though you are retarded because you are incapable of verbally making anything known of any intelligence. You are intelligent and completely conscious of this, yet uable to do anything about it. You can speak beautiful sentences in English all day long, but if the person you're trying to speak to, (i.e. the vast majority) and they speak little or no English, then to them you might as well be speaking Chinese because they won't understand a word of what you're saying either. I am not one to make tons of hand gestures and believe me, this is a culture that doesn't use hand gestures at all. It is the most reserved culture I've ever lived in in my life. It's like living in a cubby hole and being just a cube inside this box. Everything has it's place and nothing out of place will be tolerated. A few examples:
-You are allowed to laugh, but not too loud.
-children are not allowed to stand on any kind of seats with their shoes on (restaurants, trains, etc) you must take their shoes off. Can you imagine a kid taking their shoes off on the 'L' or on the Amtrak?
-You are allowed to play music in your house as long as the neighbors cannot hear it if the windows are open and you are absolutely NOT allowed to play the radio outside in your yard, even if it's on very low (forget the average american barbecue)
-laying down in the grass and playing with a child is just plain bizarre, and I've never whitnessed it
-no german will sit on the floor directly no matter how clean or on the step of a building, they would rather squat
-kids are allowed to swim in the pool, but not jump off the sides of the pool, splash, or play on the rope dividing the shallow end and the deep end
-A woman has 2 choices in life here, a career, upon which she will be a man for all intents and purposes and even dress like one, or have children, upon which her career comes to a screeching halt because she is expected to stay home and be a housewife, or she can work part-time, but kiss any career advancement good-bye. You cannot even become a mgr if people know you have children, b/c they will hold you being a mother against you. When you apply for jobs, it is tolerated for the interviewer to ask you the ages and number of children you have, and yes they hold this against you. School ends btw 11 AM and 1 PM, so the mother is expected to be home from work by then to cook a hot lunch and help educate the children in their homework, because a child spends more hours doing homework than physically in school
-dogs are allowed, but must be leashed, if they poop, then you better have your poop baggy ready. IF you leave dog poop on the ground, you will be in trouble by EVERYONE
-grocery shopping is preferred to be done without children present. If children must be present, then they are not allowed to be loud, or run around the store, and not allowed to laugh. They will be shooshed by everyone, other customers and employees.
-when you enter someone's home, you must take your shoes off before entering, or right upon the entrance at the door.
-When in someone's home, food is restricted to the kitchen or other designated eating area, if you drop a crumb, pick it up
-children are absolutely NOT allowed to touch the windows or any other glass in someone's home, which is difficult since all the doors are made of glass
-when shutting a glass door to someone's home, meaning the door going to the garden, you must only touch the wooden frame
-children are not allowed to have tempertantrums and throw toys because they can dent the fake wooden parket floors
-children are not allowed to put stones from the driveway onto people's terraces, if they do, you are expected to reprimand them, romove the child from the scene, get your broom handy and start sweeping
-you must take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline in the yard, even when the trampoline is located in your own yard
-you are not allowed to play in the fields of dandelions in the spring because the pollen will stain your clothes
-you are not supposed to sit down on the grass in your yard or anyone else's, even when it's on a blanket. It's just not done. All Germans own expensive patio furniture (except us) because we're the only ones in the village laying on blankets in the front yard.
-you are not allowed to sit in the fields in the village or in any other village, even when the farmer is just growing weeds. I've been yelled at for sitting in the field of wild flowers at the edge of our street with my kids. It's all little girls dreams to roll in a field of wild flowers.
-short shorts are not really worn here. Even when it's 90 degrees people wear pants to the knees
-If you need to wear a bikini in the summer, then you must be laying down sunbathing on your expensive patio furniture, if you need to walk around, then you must put something on over your bathing suit, even in your own yard (everyone can see into our yard)
-however, when you go to the sauna, you must be naked, but must wear specially designed sauna shoes but only up the the outside door of the sauna, then leave the shoes by the door and walk into the sauna barefoot, but you must sit on a towel (there is only 1 sauna for all people together, men and women)
- you can forget about joining your kids on the waterslide and hooting wildly, playing and having fun for an adult is just not done when sober
-adults are only permitted to have fun after drinking a few maß of beer and usually they will be wearing Dirnd'ls and Lederhosen. One Maß is equal to one liter of beer. In other words, adults are only permitted to get loud, laugh and have fun when they are physically located in areas specifically designated for "fun" and only when they are drunk
-you're not allowed to mow your lawn on Sundays or any Holiday
-in some places, you aren't allowed to vaccume inside your own house on a sunday or a holiday (these days are considered ruhe tag)
and the list goes on.....
I don't know any foreigner who is happy here. They mostly seem to be slightly depressed. The ones who are married to Germans, seem to accept their fates with silent resignation. It's like we all have these wonderful glowing spirits, then we come to Germany and our spirits are confined to a box, with thick walls that we are unable to break out of. It's no wonder everyone is depressed.
Something typical happened today, yet I'm still not sure how to deal with this kind of situation. We went to the grocery store and pulled in next to a car in the parking lot, like normal. It was a little tight, but no one meant any harm. Xavier went inside to pick something up with Austin, while I stayed outside with Anais and nursed Nikki in the front seat. An older man came out and had a hard time getting into his car because our cars were parked close together, mind you xavier was perfectly centered in his OWN parking space. This man starts griping at me through my window and yelling at me and glaring at me and staring at me as though I did this on purpose. He didn't ask me to move, he just griped loudly the whole time and griped directly at me. I wasn't sure what he wanted. I'm thinking he didn't expect me to move the car, because doing something nice for another person like that is unheard of in Bavaria and politely asking for someone to move the car is even more unheard of in Bavaria, so my guess is, he wanted me to know he was upset by being aggressive to me, but he didn't actually want to resolve the situation or have any help in the matter. He just wanted to be aggressive in a bizarre kind of passive way. So I looked at him a little, then ignored him, then decided just to stare at him and smile as he backed out while he glared at me. Sometimes I think about trying to politely discuss things with these people, but I have the impression they don't want to learn or understand and certainly don't want to be polite or nice in anyway. They are just miserble and want to gripe and extend their negative energy as far as they can. It's like they exude huge quantities of purely aggressive negative energy. I can honestly say I have never experienced that kind of negative energy in my life before Germany. It really repels me and it happens with a lot of German men. It's like they are dark entities. It kind of makes your skin crawl and you just want to move as far away from these people as possible, but you keep running into them inspite of yourself.
Xavier and I go from being totally stressed out and worried, to being just happy that Xavier is home and we can spend time together. Honestly, I really enjoy spending time with Xavier. We both agree that he has really needed a break for a very long time. In a way everything he has wished for has come true. I really believe everything will be ok. I can feel it, you know? I have this peace inside that tells me, don't worry, keep working at it and be patient. Everything will work itself out. Just try to enjoy the ride being home together as much as you can.
I hope you are all well and that the economic situation hasn't affected too many of you in the states in a negative way. I pray for all of you who have lost their jobs. It's terrible and frustrating and stressful. And it seems to happen to everyone at least once.
I know this sounds like a cliche, but I do feel blessed to be able to share my life with another person. It's hard at times, but it takes so much stress out of life when there is someone standing by your side. I hope Xavier can say the same about me. We went through so much hell coming to Germany. I was pushed to my limits on what I can take, on total isolation and being consciously handicapped. It's been 4 yrs and I still have a hard time even making small talk. The first 2 yrs in Germany was a horror. I had no friends. Not one. I had no one to talk to besides Xavier in the flesh. I couldn't communicate or understand my immediate surroundings. It is very trying to be in that kind of a situation. It isn't fun and it goes way beyond the idea of adventure. Afterall, adventure is supposed to be fun, right? Some people cannot understand the choices we've made. My answer is, "apparently, we like stress."
I hope you are all well. Take care.
Love,
Jennel
Sunday, November 30, 2008
More News Germany Nov 2008
There was some question in the last blog why I didn't mention Nikki. Oops, I kinda forgot, so I'll give you a little more updated info this time around.
Yesterday, Xavier got his exit lay-off interview. He got nothing special and yes, he's going to lose his pension. That makes me the angriest. We have to stay until Nov 2, 2009 in order to get that pension vested, and yes it is a lot of money. No, they will not give him the pension he has earned up till now. Next question, how do we get the most amount of money we can? Option 1: He walks away. They pay 3 mos notice, which he will have to work every day during those 3 months and walk away with a small lump sum of cash and then go directly onto unemployment. Option 2: He walks away. They pay a smaller lump sum, forego the 3 mos pay (I think) and goes directly into the transfer company, where he will receive retraining if he needs it and help for re-employment and will stay in this transfer company for up to 6 mos with 80% of his net income, then if he doesn't find a job, he will go onto unemployment. If he does find a job, then he will receive 20% of his net income for the remaining time he would have been with the transfer company. Option 3: Fight. He will get no money, not sure if he will be able to go onto unemployment and will sue the company to keep his job. Suing takes an avg 14 mos in Germany and in the end he may or may not win. Option 4: Fight. Sue. But during the suing process Xavier will have to go to work and in the end he may or may not win and he will get layed off again the first chance they have. Option 5: Our preferred: Fight. Sue the company. Company keeps him home but with his full salary. The suing takes us past our date of Nov 2, 2009 upon which the pension will be vested by law, then they may offer another severance package for Xavier to walk, another lump sum which he will take and leave the company. During the time he is home, he can look for other jobs or even better, research and get set up to start his own company.
Complications: Company might go bankrupt before Nov 2, 2009. Next week there will be a meeting and we'll find out if Saxonia (German govt) will pay Qimonda money to keep it afloat. Currently, Qimonda only has enough money to pay people through March 2009. If that's the case, why aren't more people being layed off? Only 2 out of Xavier's dept of 14 are being layed off.
Xavier has until next week to accept the severance package. Xavier is upset because there are supposed to be laws protecting people supporting families and Xavier has 3 small children. About 1/2 his dept are single. Xavier's lawyer says he has a very good case to fight. Next week, we'll find out if the German govt is going to bail out Qimonda. That's what will make our decision. If they get bailed out, we will fight only if Xavier will be allowed to get paid during the fight (no unemployment). A judge decides that before you start the law suit. You file a petition and it takes 2 weeks for a judge to say yay or nay to remain working for the company during the law suit. We feel in our souls that we need to fight this one. There is a time to learn how to fight and experience fighting. I think this is it. Our goal is to 1: buy time in order to both look and find a job 2: get our pension that was part of the original negotiation when Xavier was first hired. Xavier has been looking for jobs now for about 3 mos and hasn't found anything yet. He is worried about having to take a pay cut and not being able to find a job before money runs out.
Having children makes everything much more complicated. The kids are finally stable and in a good situation. They go to a great kindergarten and uprooting them again will hurt Anais badly, I think. We have very little desire to uproot again. The mere thought just gives me stress. Moving to Germany has been one of the WORST experiences of my life. I know what it means now to do it again and I really don'T want to. There is good and bad about every country, but moving from one country to the next is so daunting. In all honesty, I have much less complaints about Germany, than I do about the US. Our neighbors in Austin were a surrogate family for me and moving away from them hurt me the most. I cannot get close to anyone here because of the language barrier. It is very isolating. I'm not sure what would make me happy anymore. I feel as though travelling has made me completely spoiled and now I'm too exigent where there is no perfect fit. Family, ocean, mtns, sandy beach, nature, sunshine, good food, good social, 6 weeks vacation, good schools, excellent cheap kindergarten, good health, low cost of living, nice affordable house, capacity to have an actual retirement at 60, quick access to my family in Chicago and Xavier's family in France. Oh, and being able to communicate would be nice. If any of you know the answer to this, please let me know. We also want to raise the kids in a French/English school environment. Germany fits into many of those criterion.
Anais is now requesting to watch our American movies and cartoons in German and when she plays make-believe by herself, she speaks in German. I guess that's normal. I've learned that my children's capacity to socialize is directly related to my capacity to socialize, which I have been doing very poorly since we've been here. I have to make an effort now to socialize with specific friends of my children and their parents. I don't make much effort currently and that is my fault. I need to have goals to invite a kid for each of mine over to our house 1X a week. Austin seems to have tons of friends in kindergarten, which surprises me. He seems very popular, especially with the girls. It makes me feel very good and very proud.
We went to a party last sunday at one of Xavier's french friend's house. He is divorced and came to germany to escape his meltdown with his wife. Anyway his kids are already grown and he has another french girlfriend whose in the same situation roughly as he his. Anyway he saw Xavier Monday after the party and told Xavier that I was a great mom and really stable emotionally and with my head in the right place. I think that is the greatest compliment I've had since I can remember. As parents we do our best, but we're always afraid of really screwing up our kids or hurting them unintentionally. I love my family very much and they are the most important in my life. I just want everyone to be well-rounded, happy and healthy. I think when you are well-rounded, then you will be healthy and happy. It's hard to maintain balance. We struggle with that all the time.
Other family news: Anais joined the choir at kindergarten. I think she will be singing in a X-mas concert at the school on Dec 18. I signed both kids up yesterday to bake x-mas cookies at the school. They seemed to really enjoy that. The kindergarten also has a kid parlament where each group has representatives that vote representing the children's interests. It's a nice idea, but I have no idea how it actually works.
Nikki is totally huge. He must weigh now at least 8 kilos. He'll turn 6 mos on the 8th of Dec and is already wearing clothes for a 12 month old, but that might be deceiving because my dryer shrinks everything. I have to buy 1-2 shirt sizes bigger for all the kids, in order for them to be shrunk to the right size for the kids. Nikki laughs a lot and eats a lot. I give him solid dinners now at night. I read Anais a story last night in bed and Nikki seemed to enjoy it more than Anais. He was touching all over the book, really looking at the pictures and trying to eat it. He can grab things very well now and holds stuff in his hands. He can grab his pacifier and put it into his mouth. He seems to be able to express himself pretty well. I believe he tries to say mama. When he cries for me, sometimes he says ma ma ma ma. I think he is beautiful and very smart. He loves his bath and adores being taken care of by both Anais and Austin. Anais gives Nikki lots of attention. She helps me feed him at night and likes to take his bath with him. She sits next to him in the car and is patient when he cries, whereas Austin yells "stop crying" at Nikki. Nikki plays with toys now. If they light up and make noise, he's very happy. He enjoys his walker and is just learning to move forwards instead of just backwards. I think he is very smart. When I took him into the doctor for his second set of shots, he laid on the bed and took one look at the doctor and immediately started crying. It appeared as though he knew what was coming. Last time we went to the doctor, Anais had a 5 yr development check-up. The doctor asked Anais to hop sideways back and forth over a line on the floor and she started hopping to show what she wanted Anais to do. I was sitting in the chair with Nikki on my lap and he just started cracking up when he saw the doctor hop back and forth over this line. It was hilarious. He was at most 5 mos old at the time. It was sweet. We all had a good laugh.
I think that's it for news here. The English class in already filled to start next month. I asked to have an option for a third class. I want all kids to have the option to take the English class. I'm afraid people won't push because it's already full. The list was full within the first week it got posted. I ordered a book yesterday to help me with this class. We'll see if it's any good. My syllabus is all set from last year. I might try to vary it a bit this yr.
I hope you are all well for x-mas and the new year. We are staying home this yr in an intimate family set up. Xavier's parents wanted us to come to Maubeuge. Xavier's sister was going there as well the day after x-mas. We cannot handle the stress of all those people in one house. We cannot afford a Gite this yr so we would have to stay there. I cannot handle my in-laws fighting and Daniel getting drunk. Xavier agreed it would be too stressful. We decided to stay here. I think his parents are angry so they don't want to come here, they would rather stay in Maubeuge alone if that ends up being the case. When they come here the same issues just extend under our roof. Yvette takes control of my kitchen and she cooks great, but then we're forced to spend every bloody day waiting on Yvette to cook. She never cooks on time and the kids are always hungry. We end up eating btw 1-2 PM. Dinner is at earliest 7 PM. It's a nightmare. The kids need to be in bed by 7:30PM in order to get up on time for school. Our schedule gets all screwed up because we have to go on Yvette's schedule. I've tried to make her comply to ours, but it ends up being all out war and in the end it just isn't worth the fight. I still lose the fight in my own home anyway. I've learned a long time ago to give up control right away when Yvette comes. It's the easiest way to go. When the kids get hungry, I send them to Yvette. IF she wants to cook twice because she won't eat at the kid's schedule, that's her problem. I refuse to cook twice. That was the source of one of our first wars. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother-in-law as much as a daughter-in-law can. I appreciate her good qualities and we actually do get along. However, not sure how much that is saying. If I am capable of getting along with Anglika (even after months of serious dislike), the teacher of the kids pre-school in Linden, a Bavarian village, then as far as I'm concerned, I can get along with just about anyone. It was hard to get along and to accept Angelika for all her ignorance and bull-headedness.
I hope all of you have a wonderful x-mas. If anyone feels like popping over to Munich over the holidays let us know. We will surely be here.
Yesterday, Xavier got his exit lay-off interview. He got nothing special and yes, he's going to lose his pension. That makes me the angriest. We have to stay until Nov 2, 2009 in order to get that pension vested, and yes it is a lot of money. No, they will not give him the pension he has earned up till now. Next question, how do we get the most amount of money we can? Option 1: He walks away. They pay 3 mos notice, which he will have to work every day during those 3 months and walk away with a small lump sum of cash and then go directly onto unemployment. Option 2: He walks away. They pay a smaller lump sum, forego the 3 mos pay (I think) and goes directly into the transfer company, where he will receive retraining if he needs it and help for re-employment and will stay in this transfer company for up to 6 mos with 80% of his net income, then if he doesn't find a job, he will go onto unemployment. If he does find a job, then he will receive 20% of his net income for the remaining time he would have been with the transfer company. Option 3: Fight. He will get no money, not sure if he will be able to go onto unemployment and will sue the company to keep his job. Suing takes an avg 14 mos in Germany and in the end he may or may not win. Option 4: Fight. Sue. But during the suing process Xavier will have to go to work and in the end he may or may not win and he will get layed off again the first chance they have. Option 5: Our preferred: Fight. Sue the company. Company keeps him home but with his full salary. The suing takes us past our date of Nov 2, 2009 upon which the pension will be vested by law, then they may offer another severance package for Xavier to walk, another lump sum which he will take and leave the company. During the time he is home, he can look for other jobs or even better, research and get set up to start his own company.
Complications: Company might go bankrupt before Nov 2, 2009. Next week there will be a meeting and we'll find out if Saxonia (German govt) will pay Qimonda money to keep it afloat. Currently, Qimonda only has enough money to pay people through March 2009. If that's the case, why aren't more people being layed off? Only 2 out of Xavier's dept of 14 are being layed off.
Xavier has until next week to accept the severance package. Xavier is upset because there are supposed to be laws protecting people supporting families and Xavier has 3 small children. About 1/2 his dept are single. Xavier's lawyer says he has a very good case to fight. Next week, we'll find out if the German govt is going to bail out Qimonda. That's what will make our decision. If they get bailed out, we will fight only if Xavier will be allowed to get paid during the fight (no unemployment). A judge decides that before you start the law suit. You file a petition and it takes 2 weeks for a judge to say yay or nay to remain working for the company during the law suit. We feel in our souls that we need to fight this one. There is a time to learn how to fight and experience fighting. I think this is it. Our goal is to 1: buy time in order to both look and find a job 2: get our pension that was part of the original negotiation when Xavier was first hired. Xavier has been looking for jobs now for about 3 mos and hasn't found anything yet. He is worried about having to take a pay cut and not being able to find a job before money runs out.
Having children makes everything much more complicated. The kids are finally stable and in a good situation. They go to a great kindergarten and uprooting them again will hurt Anais badly, I think. We have very little desire to uproot again. The mere thought just gives me stress. Moving to Germany has been one of the WORST experiences of my life. I know what it means now to do it again and I really don'T want to. There is good and bad about every country, but moving from one country to the next is so daunting. In all honesty, I have much less complaints about Germany, than I do about the US. Our neighbors in Austin were a surrogate family for me and moving away from them hurt me the most. I cannot get close to anyone here because of the language barrier. It is very isolating. I'm not sure what would make me happy anymore. I feel as though travelling has made me completely spoiled and now I'm too exigent where there is no perfect fit. Family, ocean, mtns, sandy beach, nature, sunshine, good food, good social, 6 weeks vacation, good schools, excellent cheap kindergarten, good health, low cost of living, nice affordable house, capacity to have an actual retirement at 60, quick access to my family in Chicago and Xavier's family in France. Oh, and being able to communicate would be nice. If any of you know the answer to this, please let me know. We also want to raise the kids in a French/English school environment. Germany fits into many of those criterion.
Anais is now requesting to watch our American movies and cartoons in German and when she plays make-believe by herself, she speaks in German. I guess that's normal. I've learned that my children's capacity to socialize is directly related to my capacity to socialize, which I have been doing very poorly since we've been here. I have to make an effort now to socialize with specific friends of my children and their parents. I don't make much effort currently and that is my fault. I need to have goals to invite a kid for each of mine over to our house 1X a week. Austin seems to have tons of friends in kindergarten, which surprises me. He seems very popular, especially with the girls. It makes me feel very good and very proud.
We went to a party last sunday at one of Xavier's french friend's house. He is divorced and came to germany to escape his meltdown with his wife. Anyway his kids are already grown and he has another french girlfriend whose in the same situation roughly as he his. Anyway he saw Xavier Monday after the party and told Xavier that I was a great mom and really stable emotionally and with my head in the right place. I think that is the greatest compliment I've had since I can remember. As parents we do our best, but we're always afraid of really screwing up our kids or hurting them unintentionally. I love my family very much and they are the most important in my life. I just want everyone to be well-rounded, happy and healthy. I think when you are well-rounded, then you will be healthy and happy. It's hard to maintain balance. We struggle with that all the time.
Other family news: Anais joined the choir at kindergarten. I think she will be singing in a X-mas concert at the school on Dec 18. I signed both kids up yesterday to bake x-mas cookies at the school. They seemed to really enjoy that. The kindergarten also has a kid parlament where each group has representatives that vote representing the children's interests. It's a nice idea, but I have no idea how it actually works.
Nikki is totally huge. He must weigh now at least 8 kilos. He'll turn 6 mos on the 8th of Dec and is already wearing clothes for a 12 month old, but that might be deceiving because my dryer shrinks everything. I have to buy 1-2 shirt sizes bigger for all the kids, in order for them to be shrunk to the right size for the kids. Nikki laughs a lot and eats a lot. I give him solid dinners now at night. I read Anais a story last night in bed and Nikki seemed to enjoy it more than Anais. He was touching all over the book, really looking at the pictures and trying to eat it. He can grab things very well now and holds stuff in his hands. He can grab his pacifier and put it into his mouth. He seems to be able to express himself pretty well. I believe he tries to say mama. When he cries for me, sometimes he says ma ma ma ma. I think he is beautiful and very smart. He loves his bath and adores being taken care of by both Anais and Austin. Anais gives Nikki lots of attention. She helps me feed him at night and likes to take his bath with him. She sits next to him in the car and is patient when he cries, whereas Austin yells "stop crying" at Nikki. Nikki plays with toys now. If they light up and make noise, he's very happy. He enjoys his walker and is just learning to move forwards instead of just backwards. I think he is very smart. When I took him into the doctor for his second set of shots, he laid on the bed and took one look at the doctor and immediately started crying. It appeared as though he knew what was coming. Last time we went to the doctor, Anais had a 5 yr development check-up. The doctor asked Anais to hop sideways back and forth over a line on the floor and she started hopping to show what she wanted Anais to do. I was sitting in the chair with Nikki on my lap and he just started cracking up when he saw the doctor hop back and forth over this line. It was hilarious. He was at most 5 mos old at the time. It was sweet. We all had a good laugh.
I think that's it for news here. The English class in already filled to start next month. I asked to have an option for a third class. I want all kids to have the option to take the English class. I'm afraid people won't push because it's already full. The list was full within the first week it got posted. I ordered a book yesterday to help me with this class. We'll see if it's any good. My syllabus is all set from last year. I might try to vary it a bit this yr.
I hope you are all well for x-mas and the new year. We are staying home this yr in an intimate family set up. Xavier's parents wanted us to come to Maubeuge. Xavier's sister was going there as well the day after x-mas. We cannot handle the stress of all those people in one house. We cannot afford a Gite this yr so we would have to stay there. I cannot handle my in-laws fighting and Daniel getting drunk. Xavier agreed it would be too stressful. We decided to stay here. I think his parents are angry so they don't want to come here, they would rather stay in Maubeuge alone if that ends up being the case. When they come here the same issues just extend under our roof. Yvette takes control of my kitchen and she cooks great, but then we're forced to spend every bloody day waiting on Yvette to cook. She never cooks on time and the kids are always hungry. We end up eating btw 1-2 PM. Dinner is at earliest 7 PM. It's a nightmare. The kids need to be in bed by 7:30PM in order to get up on time for school. Our schedule gets all screwed up because we have to go on Yvette's schedule. I've tried to make her comply to ours, but it ends up being all out war and in the end it just isn't worth the fight. I still lose the fight in my own home anyway. I've learned a long time ago to give up control right away when Yvette comes. It's the easiest way to go. When the kids get hungry, I send them to Yvette. IF she wants to cook twice because she won't eat at the kid's schedule, that's her problem. I refuse to cook twice. That was the source of one of our first wars. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother-in-law as much as a daughter-in-law can. I appreciate her good qualities and we actually do get along. However, not sure how much that is saying. If I am capable of getting along with Anglika (even after months of serious dislike), the teacher of the kids pre-school in Linden, a Bavarian village, then as far as I'm concerned, I can get along with just about anyone. It was hard to get along and to accept Angelika for all her ignorance and bull-headedness.
I hope all of you have a wonderful x-mas. If anyone feels like popping over to Munich over the holidays let us know. We will surely be here.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Germany News Nov 2008
Hello everyone. I decided to try the blog thing again for news so that everyone won't have to be tortured into reading too much if they don't want to.
Kid news:
Austin and Anais are both in kindergarten. Austin is doing fine. He has some friends and the teachers tell me he is both very sweet and very bright. He understands a fair amt of German already after only 2 months and he started speaking German the first day. I was pretty impressed. Anais is still Anais. She is doing well also. She has a German class at kindergarten 1X week with other foreign kids by an actual school teacher to get her German up to speed. Anais is in her last year of kindergarten and this is called a Vorschules Kind, before school child. She is learning numbers and shapes and still has speech therapy 1X week and has special play session with a teacher again for German learning 1X week. Austin has the same as Anais, but sees 2 speech therapists and has speech therapy 2X week, but no special German learning for 1st grade prep. We are not sure where to put Anais for school next year. We have to get this going now though and get our decision made. I definitely don't want her in our little local village school. I think there, they completely lack the infrastructure for our foreign kids. I admit I totally look down on the local school. It's made for farmers who have lived in these few villages generation after generation and some of whom cannot even speak proper German (they only understand their local bavarian dialect). Couple that with the local people not going far in school because you don't need much to be a farmer and that results in terror for parents like us. I think our kids would be more or less screwed in that kind of a situation with such low priorities given to education from both the families and the schools. Oye.
The kids are also in gymnastics. Anais is in actual gymnastics with the gymnastic equipment and she seems to really like it. The other one is just an age appropiate indoor physical playing for kids. Otherwise, I'm still co-chairing the international playgroup in Holzkirchen and I'll be teaching English again at the kids kindergarten. I guess it was pretty well received last year and this year they have more interest in the class. And I'm teaching English privately to an adult 1X week for spoken English on the side.
Xavier's company is beginning to tank and he will be layed off soon. He's been looking for another job, but cannot find one as of yet. The CEO and head people put this company into this situation and personally I think they should be sued by the employees and fired. They're going to push hard to get Xavier out the door first. We are going to leave, that's not a problem, but we have a lawyer and we are going to rip them apart on the way out and take as much money from them as we can. Going after Xavier first was a mistake. We have enough experience now that you don't just roll over and let yourself be abused by a company. We are going to go after the company and fight our way out the door. We don't need to stay employed by these people, afterall who wants remain on a sinking ship? But legally they have no right to get rid of Xavier now by law because he has a housewife and 3 young children. They cannot fire him or lay him off by German law. We think they are singling him out because he has a high salary. If there is too much meanness in this company, I want to meet with Xavier'S lawyer and I want to set up a law suit against Qimonda and personally against the CEO and advisory board for poor leadership and putting the company into this mess in the first place. Germans are good soldiers who always do what they are told and are very proud and who respect authority. I don't think they are much used to suing authority. They will soon get a wake up call. We have never fought before, given we have nothing to lose, we are going to go for the jugular this time around and see what happens. A lot of people get screwed out of their jobs due to poor decision making and poor leadership at the top. I think it's these people who ought to be held accountable and who should be layed off like the rest of the company.
We're not sure if we are going to try to stay in Munich or move to a new place. After much thought, our top choices are Munich, Geneva, Vancouver or Austin, maybe Denver. We'll see where xavier can find work. The banking crisis in the US has bled over to a crisis in Europe. Companies are in a panic now and there are hiring freezes everywhere. It is not a good time for looking for a new job. The recession has begun here. The next 6 mos might be very difficult for us. I am tired of this instability. One thing I've learned. The minute there is a financial crisis, all countries close down to foreign workers and save jobs only for their fellow people. Xavier being French puts him at a disadvantage everywhere outside of France and yes the US sadly is no different.
hope all of you are well. I'm thinking of everyone and miss you,
Take care, love,
Jennel
Kid news:
Austin and Anais are both in kindergarten. Austin is doing fine. He has some friends and the teachers tell me he is both very sweet and very bright. He understands a fair amt of German already after only 2 months and he started speaking German the first day. I was pretty impressed. Anais is still Anais. She is doing well also. She has a German class at kindergarten 1X week with other foreign kids by an actual school teacher to get her German up to speed. Anais is in her last year of kindergarten and this is called a Vorschules Kind, before school child. She is learning numbers and shapes and still has speech therapy 1X week and has special play session with a teacher again for German learning 1X week. Austin has the same as Anais, but sees 2 speech therapists and has speech therapy 2X week, but no special German learning for 1st grade prep. We are not sure where to put Anais for school next year. We have to get this going now though and get our decision made. I definitely don't want her in our little local village school. I think there, they completely lack the infrastructure for our foreign kids. I admit I totally look down on the local school. It's made for farmers who have lived in these few villages generation after generation and some of whom cannot even speak proper German (they only understand their local bavarian dialect). Couple that with the local people not going far in school because you don't need much to be a farmer and that results in terror for parents like us. I think our kids would be more or less screwed in that kind of a situation with such low priorities given to education from both the families and the schools. Oye.
The kids are also in gymnastics. Anais is in actual gymnastics with the gymnastic equipment and she seems to really like it. The other one is just an age appropiate indoor physical playing for kids. Otherwise, I'm still co-chairing the international playgroup in Holzkirchen and I'll be teaching English again at the kids kindergarten. I guess it was pretty well received last year and this year they have more interest in the class. And I'm teaching English privately to an adult 1X week for spoken English on the side.
Xavier's company is beginning to tank and he will be layed off soon. He's been looking for another job, but cannot find one as of yet. The CEO and head people put this company into this situation and personally I think they should be sued by the employees and fired. They're going to push hard to get Xavier out the door first. We are going to leave, that's not a problem, but we have a lawyer and we are going to rip them apart on the way out and take as much money from them as we can. Going after Xavier first was a mistake. We have enough experience now that you don't just roll over and let yourself be abused by a company. We are going to go after the company and fight our way out the door. We don't need to stay employed by these people, afterall who wants remain on a sinking ship? But legally they have no right to get rid of Xavier now by law because he has a housewife and 3 young children. They cannot fire him or lay him off by German law. We think they are singling him out because he has a high salary. If there is too much meanness in this company, I want to meet with Xavier'S lawyer and I want to set up a law suit against Qimonda and personally against the CEO and advisory board for poor leadership and putting the company into this mess in the first place. Germans are good soldiers who always do what they are told and are very proud and who respect authority. I don't think they are much used to suing authority. They will soon get a wake up call. We have never fought before, given we have nothing to lose, we are going to go for the jugular this time around and see what happens. A lot of people get screwed out of their jobs due to poor decision making and poor leadership at the top. I think it's these people who ought to be held accountable and who should be layed off like the rest of the company.
We're not sure if we are going to try to stay in Munich or move to a new place. After much thought, our top choices are Munich, Geneva, Vancouver or Austin, maybe Denver. We'll see where xavier can find work. The banking crisis in the US has bled over to a crisis in Europe. Companies are in a panic now and there are hiring freezes everywhere. It is not a good time for looking for a new job. The recession has begun here. The next 6 mos might be very difficult for us. I am tired of this instability. One thing I've learned. The minute there is a financial crisis, all countries close down to foreign workers and save jobs only for their fellow people. Xavier being French puts him at a disadvantage everywhere outside of France and yes the US sadly is no different.
hope all of you are well. I'm thinking of everyone and miss you,
Take care, love,
Jennel
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Nicolas Kenneth Pouchain: A Birth Story
As you know, Sat June 7th was Anais' 5th b-day party with her friends. I woke up around 5 AM and eventually got up at 6:30 when Austin came into my bed giving me his breakfast order of his usual "Austin want chocolate croissant." So we got up, had breakfast, I baked a cake for Anais, started picking up and cleaning the house, did laundry again to get the baby's clothes in order and everything arranged for when the baby comes. I did some last minute shopping for the goodie bags while Xavier took care of the kids that morning. I did a lot of last minute cleaning up until the first kid arrived. I was totally stressed. I had no idea how to entertain 6 little girls for 3 hrs. The weather was crap as well, rainy and cold. The girls still jumped on the trampoline thank goodness. Then Mami and Papi showed up around 5 PM. More chaos. The party went until 6 PM. The kids were thrilled, but some were terrified of my in-laws dog, Rennes. Our house was more or less trashed once again after the party, so I started to clean up some more and do more laundry and start cleaning the attic and the attic bathroom for my in-laws, while Xavier made dinner and the kids gorged themselves on candy. Then I couldn't stop cleaning, I vacuumed the attic and went down to the second floor and continued vacuuming and went down the steps until I exhausted myself around 9 PM, when we started having dinner. I wasn't hungry that night, so I just ate watermelon for dinner. My mother-in-law told me to stop cleaning because she thought I would drive myself into labor, but I couldn't let them sleep in a filthy attic, it's just not nice and Yvette should not be expected to drive 10-12 hrs only to clean her own room when she gets here. At least Xavier changed the sheets on the bed, which really helped. I went to bed around 10 PM completely tired having been going, going, going all day except for about 1/2 hr when I stopped and laid down before the party because I needed to relax and because my back was really hurting. But it felt really good psychologically to clean, so you know...
About 11:45 PM I felt 1 contraction, the baby moved, which hurt and then poof my water broke. I thought awe nuts! Any night, but tonight! I went downstairs and said to Xavier "My water just broke, we gotta go"
I knew it would happen fast and it takes about 1/2 hr drive to the hospital. I usually vomit right away so I was actually terrified of that, so we had to hustle, hustle, hustle. My bag was already in the car, but the batteries died that day on the camera during Anais' b-day party and unfortunately we didn't have any other back up batteries. Mind you nothing is open at Midnight on a Saturday night in Germany, so we can't just pop by Walgreens to get batteries. Of course the car was still filled with groceries that I bought 2 days before, but never unpacked and the front seat was filled with bags of cat litter in preparation for this big event. So here I am, water leaking out my pants, puke bucket in hand and unloading kilos of cat litter from my side of the car. Contractions haven't started yet, again thank goodness. By about Midnight, we were in the car ready to go. That's when the contractions started, mind you they STARTED at 5 min apart.
By about 12:30 AM we arrived at the hospital at the emergency entrance. Xavier dropped me off while he parked the car. A few doctors passing by wished me good luck. I sat in the only chair at the emergency entrance. In Munich you have to walk your way to the Kreißsaal (labor and delivery) on the second floor. So there we were walking through this maze, reading the signs and trying to figure out how to get to the Kreißsaal on the second floor from the emergency entrance. I didn't have my glasses on because a month ago, Austin broke them and I didn't want to wear contacts. We had to stop a few times because walking made my contractions come faster and I couldn't walk through them, they were a wee bit painful.
I guess we got to the Kreißsaal by about 12:45 AM and they set me up for a CDG for 1/2 hr to measure the contractions and the baby's heartbeat. They took out blood and set up a sack of fluids for me to take in order to get a PDA (epidural). They said I couldn't get a PDA until the blood work was done from the lab which should take about 1/2 hr (min). I figured I had time, so I wasn't too concerned and the contractions weren't that bad. My back was hurting, but it was still manageable. I also asked them to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby was still head down. Originally Nikki was breach and they manually turned him around at 36 weeks, which actually worked this time. On a Sat night if he had flipped back, I would have had to been prepped for a c-section, but he turned out to be still head down. So, about 1:15 AM or so I guess, we walked into a birthing room. I sat on this large uncomfortable bed. Laying down on my back or side made my back hurt more. Xavier put on soothing music, which actually helped and rubbed my back for me. He was an excellent labor partner. The mid wife didn't really do much. She checked me at some point and I was about 4-5 cm. Then after a few contractions, I have no idea how many, I started having some that were more severe. The last one knocked me clear off the bed. The position was too painful on the bed and I rolled off mid contraction onto the floor onto my knees. That's when I said PDA, PDA, PDA. She said this is your 3rd child, you may not have time. I was still getting the fluid in my arm and my blood work wasn't back yet. She said I have to check you. I said can you do it from this position, she told me "no." I was sort of having back to back contractions, I don't really know and I didn't want to lean back because of the back pain, but I did anyway so she could check me.
She checked me while I was on the floor and she said "you're open." I said "how much?" She said, "you're open." I said "How many centimeters?" She said, "I don't understand." I repeated, "How many centimeters?" She said "10, you can start pushing whenever you feel like it." Then she said something like, "At any rate it would take about 45 min for the anathesist to get here to give you the epidural (PDA)." I thought about it and figured pushing won't last 45 min and at least the pain will stop after the baby is out, so I might as well push, I certainly don't want to endure these kinds of contractions for another 45 min.
So, the midwife said, "Where do you want to push?" I looked around the room and they have this nifty orb like chair suspended in the air that looks like a training instruments for astronauts. I sat down on that and the midwife said, "lean back." I said, "I don't think so, that was certainly NOT comfortable." So, I got off the astronaut chair took a few steps forwards, dropped to my knees on the floor and said, "OK, I'm pushing." She said, "There?" I said, "Ja." Then she brought me this kind of stool that looks like and 18th century torture instrument. I said, "Thanks" and leaned on it. I think she expected me to sit on it. When she realized I was going to give birth on my knees, she brought over a yoga mat for me to kneel on, which was nicer than the hard floor.
I took off that little hospital gown they give you because it was in the way and started pushing. I was terrified because I'd never experience the pushing part without large quantities of narcotics, so I tried to explain this to the midwife in my terrible German, which I don't think she understood anyway, so I kind of felt on my own for the delivery. I told her I needed guidance in English because I don't know how to explain that in German, but I don't think she understood that either. When you're in labor, you don't exactly want to try to be conversing in German and her English wasn't that good, so oh well....It was kind of hard to think and express yourself in German in between contractions to communicate with the midwife.
I forgot pushing is like playing tennis and I sort of forgot to breath. The midwife was behind me trying the catch the baby as it comes out so she wasn't yelling "Breath! Breath!" at me and there was no one else in the room with us besides Xavier. So, I suppose it took about 1/2 hour to push Nicolas out. I was afraid of tearing, which I did, but couldn't feel, so that was a relief. When she was telling me to slow down or stop pushing, I was terrified I was tearing. Your instinct is to push as hard as you can with total ferocity to literally eject the baby like a projectile across the room. So to not push is next to impossible especially during a contraction. It was a pretty cool experience though and it wasn't so bad at all. When the baby finally came out, he was all blue and looked nothing like me. He looked like a mini Xavier. The first thing Xavier said was, "It's a boy." (We suspected we were having a girl.)
I assume that when you give birth, you're supposed to feel all lovey dovey, but all I really felt at first was, relief. Xavier cut the cord and held the baby first, while I climbed up on the bed to deliver the placenta. When it came out, I got to touch both sides of the placenta. That was very cool. It's not like what you would expect. It was a cool experience. I'm glad to have had it. Then they sewed me up. Again, I was terrified of the pain and yes, I did feel more than I would have liked. After about 1/2 hour Nicolas wanted to nurse, imagine that?!
As usual, Xavier and I could not agree on names and in all honesty, I never really started thinking about names, much less for a boy, so Nicolas went a day or 2 without having a name. We kept calling him Austin. It's weird to talk to your kid without having a name to call him. The good thing is, you could take a name and look at him and sometimes, some names just didn't seem to suit him.
All in all, this birth was by far the easiest I've ever had and the most enjoyable. Time passes so fast when you're in labor. It felt like I only had like 20 contractions total and the time felt the same as a Sunday morning wait at IHOP for breakfast in Austin, TX. In other words, it was nothing at all. The only thing missing was the newspaper (and a name for the kid). : )
About 11:45 PM I felt 1 contraction, the baby moved, which hurt and then poof my water broke. I thought awe nuts! Any night, but tonight! I went downstairs and said to Xavier "My water just broke, we gotta go"
I knew it would happen fast and it takes about 1/2 hr drive to the hospital. I usually vomit right away so I was actually terrified of that, so we had to hustle, hustle, hustle. My bag was already in the car, but the batteries died that day on the camera during Anais' b-day party and unfortunately we didn't have any other back up batteries. Mind you nothing is open at Midnight on a Saturday night in Germany, so we can't just pop by Walgreens to get batteries. Of course the car was still filled with groceries that I bought 2 days before, but never unpacked and the front seat was filled with bags of cat litter in preparation for this big event. So here I am, water leaking out my pants, puke bucket in hand and unloading kilos of cat litter from my side of the car. Contractions haven't started yet, again thank goodness. By about Midnight, we were in the car ready to go. That's when the contractions started, mind you they STARTED at 5 min apart.
By about 12:30 AM we arrived at the hospital at the emergency entrance. Xavier dropped me off while he parked the car. A few doctors passing by wished me good luck. I sat in the only chair at the emergency entrance. In Munich you have to walk your way to the Kreißsaal (labor and delivery) on the second floor. So there we were walking through this maze, reading the signs and trying to figure out how to get to the Kreißsaal on the second floor from the emergency entrance. I didn't have my glasses on because a month ago, Austin broke them and I didn't want to wear contacts. We had to stop a few times because walking made my contractions come faster and I couldn't walk through them, they were a wee bit painful.
I guess we got to the Kreißsaal by about 12:45 AM and they set me up for a CDG for 1/2 hr to measure the contractions and the baby's heartbeat. They took out blood and set up a sack of fluids for me to take in order to get a PDA (epidural). They said I couldn't get a PDA until the blood work was done from the lab which should take about 1/2 hr (min). I figured I had time, so I wasn't too concerned and the contractions weren't that bad. My back was hurting, but it was still manageable. I also asked them to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby was still head down. Originally Nikki was breach and they manually turned him around at 36 weeks, which actually worked this time. On a Sat night if he had flipped back, I would have had to been prepped for a c-section, but he turned out to be still head down. So, about 1:15 AM or so I guess, we walked into a birthing room. I sat on this large uncomfortable bed. Laying down on my back or side made my back hurt more. Xavier put on soothing music, which actually helped and rubbed my back for me. He was an excellent labor partner. The mid wife didn't really do much. She checked me at some point and I was about 4-5 cm. Then after a few contractions, I have no idea how many, I started having some that were more severe. The last one knocked me clear off the bed. The position was too painful on the bed and I rolled off mid contraction onto the floor onto my knees. That's when I said PDA, PDA, PDA. She said this is your 3rd child, you may not have time. I was still getting the fluid in my arm and my blood work wasn't back yet. She said I have to check you. I said can you do it from this position, she told me "no." I was sort of having back to back contractions, I don't really know and I didn't want to lean back because of the back pain, but I did anyway so she could check me.
She checked me while I was on the floor and she said "you're open." I said "how much?" She said, "you're open." I said "How many centimeters?" She said, "I don't understand." I repeated, "How many centimeters?" She said "10, you can start pushing whenever you feel like it." Then she said something like, "At any rate it would take about 45 min for the anathesist to get here to give you the epidural (PDA)." I thought about it and figured pushing won't last 45 min and at least the pain will stop after the baby is out, so I might as well push, I certainly don't want to endure these kinds of contractions for another 45 min.
So, the midwife said, "Where do you want to push?" I looked around the room and they have this nifty orb like chair suspended in the air that looks like a training instruments for astronauts. I sat down on that and the midwife said, "lean back." I said, "I don't think so, that was certainly NOT comfortable." So, I got off the astronaut chair took a few steps forwards, dropped to my knees on the floor and said, "OK, I'm pushing." She said, "There?" I said, "Ja." Then she brought me this kind of stool that looks like and 18th century torture instrument. I said, "Thanks" and leaned on it. I think she expected me to sit on it. When she realized I was going to give birth on my knees, she brought over a yoga mat for me to kneel on, which was nicer than the hard floor.
I took off that little hospital gown they give you because it was in the way and started pushing. I was terrified because I'd never experience the pushing part without large quantities of narcotics, so I tried to explain this to the midwife in my terrible German, which I don't think she understood anyway, so I kind of felt on my own for the delivery. I told her I needed guidance in English because I don't know how to explain that in German, but I don't think she understood that either. When you're in labor, you don't exactly want to try to be conversing in German and her English wasn't that good, so oh well....It was kind of hard to think and express yourself in German in between contractions to communicate with the midwife.
I forgot pushing is like playing tennis and I sort of forgot to breath. The midwife was behind me trying the catch the baby as it comes out so she wasn't yelling "Breath! Breath!" at me and there was no one else in the room with us besides Xavier. So, I suppose it took about 1/2 hour to push Nicolas out. I was afraid of tearing, which I did, but couldn't feel, so that was a relief. When she was telling me to slow down or stop pushing, I was terrified I was tearing. Your instinct is to push as hard as you can with total ferocity to literally eject the baby like a projectile across the room. So to not push is next to impossible especially during a contraction. It was a pretty cool experience though and it wasn't so bad at all. When the baby finally came out, he was all blue and looked nothing like me. He looked like a mini Xavier. The first thing Xavier said was, "It's a boy." (We suspected we were having a girl.)
I assume that when you give birth, you're supposed to feel all lovey dovey, but all I really felt at first was, relief. Xavier cut the cord and held the baby first, while I climbed up on the bed to deliver the placenta. When it came out, I got to touch both sides of the placenta. That was very cool. It's not like what you would expect. It was a cool experience. I'm glad to have had it. Then they sewed me up. Again, I was terrified of the pain and yes, I did feel more than I would have liked. After about 1/2 hour Nicolas wanted to nurse, imagine that?!
As usual, Xavier and I could not agree on names and in all honesty, I never really started thinking about names, much less for a boy, so Nicolas went a day or 2 without having a name. We kept calling him Austin. It's weird to talk to your kid without having a name to call him. The good thing is, you could take a name and look at him and sometimes, some names just didn't seem to suit him.
All in all, this birth was by far the easiest I've ever had and the most enjoyable. Time passes so fast when you're in labor. It felt like I only had like 20 contractions total and the time felt the same as a Sunday morning wait at IHOP for breakfast in Austin, TX. In other words, it was nothing at all. The only thing missing was the newspaper (and a name for the kid). : )
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